Thank you for contacting me today regarding the previously referenced position. I appreciate the opportunity to share my background and experience with you. I understand that you have found a candidate whose qualifications more closely match the requirements of the position and that you will not be including me further in the recruiting process.
I find it somewhat surprising that I wasn't chosen for the position given the fact that I did this position for your Bank ten years ago. However, I understand that things change, and I guess they have with me as well, as I wouldn't work for your shitty, federally bailed-out asses again if you paid me in raw cookie dough.
While I do have fond memories of working seven days a week for months on end and getting paid peanuts, accepting a position at this time wouldn't allow me to maintain my current schedule of near-constant introspection, late night TV, and Twitter trolling.
Thank you for your kind consideration. Please suck it.
Sincerely,
LSL
Dear Candidate L
ReplyDeleteI personally cannot find enough time in the day to fulfill my quota of introspection, and that's BEFORE I start on the TV - Land Sakes Alive, Big Brother has started up again and the commitment is a crushing weight on my week.
I think I need to hire someone to take on these roles for me while I attend to the onerous duty of staring out of the window blankly.
Remuneration will be in the aforementioned cookie dough, though the health package is actually nothing more than a band-aid and for dental I can only point you towards the floss thingies in the cabinet. They are, however, redundantly minty.
If you can manage the commute to Yorkshire, the position is yours :D
After having spent (hopefully) a little less than half my allotted years of life working at a soul-sucking job, I cannot help but admire your spunk in telling it like it is to the corporate-bastard hierarchy. But to refuse payment in raw cookie dough ... don't burn your bridges, honey.
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. :-)
ReplyDeleteTHIS. IS. AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteI admire your spunk too!
I am sorry about the rejection part of it, but what a great way to say "kiss mine, I didn't want your stupid job anyway." (Figuratively speaking of course, because you didn't really send this ~ did you? And you didn't REALLY want that kind of job again ~ did you?)
God, if we were gay and California would let us, I'd so marry you.
ReplyDeleteoh dear.
ReplyDeleteAww... I love a person with a sense of humour even at unfortunate situation like this... *hugs* hang in there!!!! (like you always tell me :D)
ReplyDelete