In The Name of Jesus, Amen

I'm so angry tonight that Dr. Tiller was murdered. It happened while he was at church, by the way. 

I'm angry at the churches that grow this kind of hate. I'll never understand Christian Fundamentalism.

I'll never understand how the Catholic Church can openly oppose the extension of the statute of limitations on child molestation. Evil, evil people. 

I'm so angry that I don't know what to say. I'll let Joe do the talking for me. Here's my favorite weekly feature from JMG:

This Week in Holy Crimes:

Over the last seven days...

Minnesota: Rev. Donald Dean Budd convicted of two counts of felony sexual misconduct.
Utah: Pastor William J. Blanscet charged with exposing himself over a webcam to who he thought was a 13 year-old girl.
Pennsylvania: Pastor Guy Carlton Jones sentenced to three years in state prison for attempted sexual conduct with an 8 year-old girl. Bonus: Jones was convicted of raping an 8 year-old girl in 1991.
California: The Catholic Diocese of Monterey agrees to pay man $1.2M for years of sexual assaults by two priests. The diocese never reported the assaults to the police and the priests went on to abuse others, including the plaintiff's brother.
Idaho: Pastor Reuben Elmer Floyd Jr. sentenced to 10-25 years in prison for child molestation.
North Carolina: Pastor Tommy Wheeler charged with multiple felony sex offenses for molestation of 15 year-old girl.
Louisiana: Youth pastor Jeremy Little sentenced to 24 years in prison for drugging and molesting young boys.
Kentucky: Pastor Richard Wilson Bridges charged with stealing $50,000 from his church.
South Africa: Pastor Muzi Kunene convicted of murdering his real estate agent. Bonus: His church says he will "remain an inspiration." Extra bonus: Kunene founded Christians For Truth, an anti-abortion lobby group.

This week's winner:
New York: Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio of the Brooklyn Catholic Diocese is blackmailing lawmakers who attempt to extend the statute of limitations on child molestation, telling a gathering of legislators (according to one Assembly member who was present), "If it passes, we will close a parish in each of your districts and we will tell your constituents that it was your fault." Extending the time limit allowed to report attacks is predicted to cost the Catholic Church hundreds of millions in judgments in New York state. The Child Victims Act will likely be voted on before the close of the current session at the end of June.

Gotta Keep Fighting

I took part in the Prop Hate protest last night in downtown Portland. We had a good crowd, well over 100, although I was expecting and hoping for more. Folks brought homemade signs and we chanted and marched from the waterfront to the courthouse. The most inspiring part was what happened on the march - folks hanging out in the parks or eating outside at cafes left whatever they were doing and joined in, and cars, taxis, and even a whole max train (!) honked their horns like crazy to encourage us. That was awesome. 

A couple of crazy things happened to me at the protest, because it wouldn't be me unless something crazy happened - one attendee, this awesome guy named John, asked me to speak to the television crews present to explain why I was attending as a straight supporter. He kept touching my hair and saying my fabulous hair and sunglasses made me the perfect spokesperson. I felt torn - I'm very proud to be a marriage equality supporter, and I do have great hair, but I am a terrible speaker. I just knew I would pretty much screw it up. So I fought it for a few minutes but eventually gave in to John. I'd actually brought my six foot rainbow feather boa to the event but decided to leave it in the car because it was a mellow crowd and I specifically didn't want to attract (media) attention. So I gave an interview to some station, totally messing it up, forgetting how to spell my name, and that was that. I think they probably scrapped it. 

So after my fifteen seconds of fame, I decided, screw it, I need my fabulous boa, and went to the car to pretty myself up. That thing makes a statement. Wouldn't you know five minutes later I'm standing in the middle of 100 people and I hear someone yell, "OH MY GOD, (insert my full name here)!" I turned around to see someone I literally haven't seen since high school, over 20 years ago. My first thought as I stood there in the middle of a gay rights protest wrapped in a rainbow feather boa? No wonder I can't get a date in this town.

Click on the photos to embiggen. My favorite is the second, the gay agenda.

Stuff

I'm suffering a bit of a motivation crisis lately. It's been a boring week and it makes me a little crazy to sit around the house. I need to grab my tennies and head out for some city walks. I'm usually able to keep active and busy but I've been slacking for the past few days.

I have enough airline miles to take me anywhere in the world once or twice, and about five free hotel nights saved up from some points program. I know the obvious choice is to take an international vacation, but I've been hesitant to do it. It's ridiculous, but I think the reason is that I worry that my kitty is on his last paw and I don't want to stress him out. I know. Ridiculous. And I could only afford a super cheap vacation at this point, but with flight and hotel taken care of, I could throw granola bars in my pack and make just about anywhere pretty damn cheap. Maybe I'll think more about that. 

I don't really veg on the television very much, which is probably good. It makes me a bit mental to sit around and pass the time that way. I'm avoiding most of the news, which is important for me, especially with the drab economic outlook. (I read my news versus watching it on TV - I find there's less drama in print.) 

The jobs have really dried up since even six weeks ago. It's scary. I haven't started looking for temp work or just anything yet (bookstore, coffee house, etc.) but I'll do that at some point soon. I did apply for two volunteer jobs this week, which I hope isn't a dumb move. One would give me more finance experience and the other is with a non-profit that I'd like to work for full time. My reasoning is that I'll volunteer and absolutely dazzle them and they'll want to hire me immediately. What do you think? 

I did cat-proof my balcony, so we've been spending a lot of time out there, especially in the evenings. 

I went out on my second date with the online guy. We had a fun night. No sparks or anything, but I enjoyed the evening. I'm always amazed when guys pay for girls. This is some slight degree of compensation for 25 years of menstrual cramps, I guess. I think I've dated cheap guys or something because I am totally not used to the guy paying. I love it. So we had a nice time, but I'm not sure if there will be a third date.

I'm going to some fun events in the next few weeks. I have Jerry Seinfeld tonight (hate that show, but I think he's talented) and Dane Cook in two weeks - can we still be friends? I absolutely love him and have fond memories of listening to him and convulsing with laughter on the train between Hiroshima and Osaka. I can't wait to go to the show and report back here to drive all you haters crazy. Hey, I sat through your American Idol posts. I have Rent and Shawn Mullins after that, and Indigo Girls and Green Day later this summer.

I'm on book 6 of 12 of my manga series. When I went in to Barnes & Noble and purchased the next three in the series, the clerk said, "Someone's going to be excited!" meaning my 13 year old socially awkward, friendless, nonathletic son, I guess. I admitted it and said, "Yeah, me." Don't worry, I'm reading other, more age-appropriate books, too.

I'm enjoying my Apple One to One sessions. The twenty-something hipsters who teach me are always so friendly and smart. I'm learning a lot of basics right now and can't wait to move on to more advanced programs.

Hope everyone has a nice holiday. Do something to remember our fallen soldiers this weekend!

Top Ten

Things I learned in my surfing lesson today:

1. Oh. That's what it feels like to be in the washing machine spin cycle. 

2. Oh. That's what it feels like to be shot out of a cannon.

3. The ocean always wins.

4. Bruises are sexy. 

5. Don't bother doing your hair. 

6. When you wipe out, protect your head from the board.

7. Wetsuits are slimming. (Although you'll probably break a nail getting into one.)

8. Must. Relinquish. Control. 

9. I'm goofy - means I put my right foot forward on the board.

10. The sweet spot's pretty sweet.

Every Day

I've worked those same hours. 

Ebb, Flow

Unemployment is so weird. See, while you guys are at work, I'm at home. Everyday. I'm doing stuff, but not work stuff, and the stuff I do is for myself, not for someone else.

I admit that I really enjoyed the first month of joblessness, back then when I was eating out at all those restaurants and gaining 10 pounds. I was afraid to say it, even to myself, because I was paying attention all those years in church and I knew that if I said I was having fun then God would punish me by not letting me find a job for a really long time. But if I'm honest I have to admit that I was enjoying it then, and I still do sometimes. 

Mostly I feel like I'm playing hooky from a job. I feel like I'm going to be fired any minute for not showing up since February. I can hear my hateful, hateful, petty, insecure, incompetent, idiotic (whew, that felt good) old boss's voice on the phone tell me that I'm being terminated for absenteeism. (But then I realize she wouldn't know how to terminate me without me there.) I feel like I'm doing something very wrong, especially on really sunny days. Especially when I'm at the beach with my toes in the sand on a sunny day. Very wrong.

I stay fairly busy, or at least occupied. I look for jobs. This takes up anywhere from 5 to 8 hours a day. I do it until I'm frustrated and swearing and sometimes near tears. Then I do errands. There's dry cleaning my interview outfits, trips to the bank, care packages for tiny Japanese friends, things to do with the move. I clean - the house, the garage, the car. And then I do things I enjoy - tour the Japanese and Chinese gardens, see movies, go to shows (I saw Joshua James at the Aladdin last night - woooooooooow. Wow! Yay!) I went to the Holocaust Memorial earlier this week - amazing. I read. I still break my diet and try out new places to eat. I meet friends, I do a little shopping. I enjoy those activities a lot and feel lucky to have the time and energy to do them. I'm taking those classes at my Apple store, which I love, and next week I sign up for a web design class at PCC. (Although I can't think of the software name, Dreamweaver, without hearing that terrible song. It's a problem.) I'm looking into volunteer positions. And when I have absolutely nothing else to do, there's not a thing I can think of that needs my attention, and nothing is on the television, and I've replied to every e-mail I've ever gotten, I work out.

I have times when I get down (meaning sad, not funky) that no one has snatched me up. I wonder about my skills, if I'm even good at what I do. Maybe I'm good but I can't communicate it? Is my age coming into play? My salary? Will I ever make a decent salary again? Can I live on what will likely be a major pay cut if I ever do find a job? Will I have to move out of this apartment? Why is this happening to me? That doesn't happen very often, but I know from experience those times will increase the longer I go without a job. 

When I work, I'm a single-minded, intense, stressed. I put everything into my job and I have nothing left over for myself. I'm exhausted every night. I've gotten better in the last few years since returning from Japan and realizing that my time there was a study in giving too much to a job. But I still take a lot of pride in what I do, and I put a lot into it. Because of that, I am especially aware of how I feel right now - I'm energetic, fairly relaxed, I have time to notice details. I laugh a lot (although I laugh a lot all the time), I feel lucky for the fun things I do. I'm interested and exploring and learning. I feel grateful for the break. I just hope God doesn't notice.

The Importance of Sleep

I feel irritable, very irritable and itchy today. I have been kept awake every night since I moved here - every night since March 14th - by the traffic outside my apartment windows. Today it's been raining so every car that drives by is that much louder because there's the sound of the tires kicking up the standing water. It is making me nuts. I just ran around and slammed shut every window in the apartment.

I am a very, very clean person, but right now I feel like there is a thin layer of cat hair on every horizontal surface within ten miles. Sometimes I take the lint roller and roll it directly on the cat.

About 24 hours ago a tiny American flag showed up on the top, right-hand corner of my MacBook. It is pissing me off. I don't understand where it came from but I hear Lee Green.wood singing, "Proud To Be An Ameri.can" every time I look at it. It's making me crazy. The Conservatives are watching me, aren't they?

The a-hole at Apple Care who helped me set up my Airport six months ago suggested that I name my network with my full given name. It is irritating me! I'm trying to figure out how to change it.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Before a woman has any medical procedure, they are asked the date of their last period. The nurse doing my intake before my endoscopy a couple weeks ago instead asked me, "Are you still getting your periods?" Jesus. Ouch. (The Internets tell me the average age of onset of menopause is 51.)

Let's call this day done.