New Year's Eve

I'm heading to the coast with the girls (Sizzle, Kerri Anne, and Jenny Two Times) and am excited to start the new year off with good friends (all of whom I met blogging, by the way - it's good for you!) and a trip to the ocean. The forecast sucks, but I'm bringing my surfboard . . . just in case.

I had such a great 2009 and am looking forward to making 2010 another great one. I've already started on my lists of hits and misses, resolutions and goals, and all that stuff because, well, it's what I do. I'll share some of it when I return from the beach.

I appreciate you guys reading me and being a part of my life. I can't believe some of you have known me since the early days in Japan! My how we've grown. I hope everyone has lots of blessings to count tonight, and I wish you the very best in 2010. Good luck with your hatsuyume tonight! Go eggplant!

Day of Fun

I had another nice Portland day today. I woke up, spent about 3 hours on the depressing job hunt, and knew I needed to get myself out of the house to not slide into a funk. Or maybe to get out of the funk I'd already slid into. I Yelped around a bit to get inspiration on what to do today and decided to go to a few stationery stores. (I love yummy paper and am the only person on earth who still regularly writes letters. On paper. And then I put a stamp on them. And they go through the mail.)

I started at Oblation, which is such a great store. A little spendy, but I was mostly window shopping and just looking for inspiration from their silky ribbons and yummy blank books. I ended up getting a tiny little gift tag in the shape of Oregon for $2. Super cute.

After that I went to Ecru, which I'd never been to before. Such a cool little store - lots of great Portland-themed stuff and beautiful papers. The person at the counter was friendly and the music was soothing and perfect; it was a relaxing shopping experience. You might want to visit fast - I was the only one in the store for about a half-hour, so I'm not sure how long they'll be there.

After that I decided to grab a ham and cheese baguette at Lovejoy Bakers, which Gowalla helped me discover. It's such a beautiful little deli, and my sandwich and Russian tea cookie were awesome. It might be a little too fancy for my tastes, but the food was great.

Finally, I visited the World Forestry Center (free admission in December because I'm a member of the Chinese Garden!) for the first time ever. Such a cool place. It's so perfect for children (of what age, I have no idea) because the exhibits are very interactive and they have some seriously advanced technology to learn about different aspects of forestry. It's laid out beautifully and I was very impressed. During my visit I learned a little about the laws requiring reforestation in WA and OR whenever trees are cut down, about all the different animals that live in the 4 different types of forests, and I saw a piece of petrified oak that was 25 million years old. ! In the gift shop I picked up a map of Forest Park, which I think I've been in once in 13 years of living in Portland, so hopefully a post about exploring one of the trails there will be coming soon.

Thanks for another great day, Portland. Can we play again tomorrow?

Silent Night

It's Christmas night and I'm sitting by the fire with the kitty on my lap. I'm ex-haus-ted and will be going to bed shortly. It's been over a week since I've slept a solid night and I really hope it happens tonight.

I had such a wonderful time with my brother's family up north celebrating the holiday. I was so sad to miss my great New York Christmases with my sister, and I was worried that I would feel empty not sharing stockings with her and her hubby on Christmas morning. That was hard. I miss living down the street from her so much. But I had a great time with my brother, feeling included and being in the middle of so much activity.

This morning I was upstairs gathering my things and getting ready to head back to Portland. I finished packing and headed downstairs, and I noticed that Big Brother was sitting on the bottom step. As I walked down I said, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" Big Brother turned around, glared at me, and screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'MHAVINGATIMEOUT!!!" As I walked past him I said, "Sounds like you need one, grumpy bird."

It's such a surprise how these little boys have crawled into my heart. I cried the entire way home, of course, wondering when I'll get smacked in the head with a toy train again. It's going to be too long, I know it.

I tried to get in touch with all of my friends and blog buddies today to wish everyone a merry Christmas, and I heard from lots of folks. I'm so grateful to have so many good people around me. I've had a nice holiday and I'm looking forward to a fresh start in 2010. Good night, friends.

Love, Santa

Dear Little Boys,

It's late on Christmas Eve and you are both sleeping. Big Brother, you are upstairs in your bed with your blankie positioned just so above your head and your long legs wrapped in covers. Little Brother, you are tiny and beside me in the bassinet swaddled up tight with your binky resting on your chest.

Big Brother, you are 2 1/2 and this is your third Christmas. I don't know if you'll remember this one, but it is sure more fun for us the older you get. Before bed while your mom was feeding Little Brother, you and your daddy set out three cookies for Santa. (You tried very hard to convince your daddy that Santa wanted more than three, but I think the extra were for you.) You put the cookies on a plate under the Christmas tree and then went up to bed to dream of reindeer and presents.

Little Brother, you are six weeks old and it is your first Christmas with us. You are soft and snugly and quiet as a whisper. Your dark eyes search my face, and your lips give me a tiny smile - the best Christmas gift I could hope for.

Boys, your parents spent over two hours tonight putting together an elaborate "Metropolis" train set complete with three bridges, a crane and a helipad, in the play room for Big Brother. They've joked all evening about how long it will hold your attention (ten minutes? five?), but it's a pretty great toy. It's so special for me to be part of your holiday this year, with holiday songs and special meals and tiny Christmas sweaters. Elaborate discussions about what traditions to continue from your parents' childhoods and what new traditions to start: Where should the full stockings be waiting? Breakfast before or after presents? How do we keep Big Brother in bed until 7:00 AM? Your whole lives are ahead of you, and here we are at the beginning feeling grateful and in love and a little overwhelmed.

And now I am upstairs in the guest room, ready for bed and hoping for some good sleep. Big Brother, just as I was typing, you had a nightmare and I stood outside your closed door crying, not sure if I should go inside and wake you, or if it would startle you to see me instead of your mommy or daddy. You quieted down quickly (not before I could wake your sleep-deprived parents) and I am still shaken up - I never want you to be scared or alone or confused or hurt. How do I just protect you for your entire life? I want to.

Tonight I can't stop thinking of your busy little fingers, how Big Brother reaches across the table with his fork to look for food he might want from my plate. How Little Brother cuddles me, his breath on my neck and his scent on my shirt. I love you both so much. You are strong and full of life and you make us hope and work for the best in everything. When I kiss your foreheads, I say a thousand silent prayers for many, many, many more Christmases together. I love you both.

Love, Santa Auntie

Also

This looks good:

Life

I went downstairs in the garage earlier to get some wrapping paper for a last-minute gift. When I leaned down to reach behind a stack of bins, I unexpectedly got a big whiff of my wet suit. This is not always a good thing, but tonight it smelled delicious. Such a distinct smell. All salty and come-hither.

I have plans with a friend tomorrow morning and while driving around today I realized that tomorrow is Wednesday. Crap! I've been waiting all week for Wednesday. It's supposed to be the first day with small enough waves for me. Ugh, I dreaded canceling plans with my friend, but I had to. Well, tonight I checked the surf report and it's back up to 12' tomorrow, so I guess I can retain that friendship. Probably for the best. (Damn.)

I had a really good run tonight, which is saying something. Three miles, couldn't run the whole thing, but I actually had energy the whole way and after, and I kept a good pace. Someone ripped off my iPod Shuffle after I dropped it at the track for about ten minutes last week, so I've been running without music. It's been kind of nice to just hear the normal sounds of life and focus on the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement.

On the way home from running I got a call with a job offer. It's not a good one - it's the one I tweeted about last week. I called my career life guru in DC and asked for advice, although it came down to what I already know. It always does.

I feel so conflicted about this tonight. I need a job. I budgeted for the whole year and knew January was job-time, and it's January. But I don't want this job. I'm scared. I don't want to be unhappy again. I don't want to be a banker. I don't want to be trapped. I don't want to be like every single person I know who hates their job and complains about it constantly (not you). I don't want to be unhappy. I don't want to have to be fake. I don't want to use the word "passion" about a job that involves debits and credits. I don't even know if I can anymore. I don't want to smile constantly. I don't want to be too tired to run at night. I don't want to wear clothes I can't afford. I don't want to set an example. I don't want to act like I give a single shit about stuff I don't. I don't want to be exhausted all the time.

I'm afraid of what could happen if I don't find a job. I'm afraid of the worst. I hate this dilemma. I wish I had a crystal ball.

I Miss the Waves

The last week or so has been filled with a good amount of stress over family things, holiday things, dating things, and job things. (I'm actually dating people, not things.) I haven't been sleeping much and I'm pretty nastified when I don't get enough sleep. It's been tough and all I've wanted to do is get in the water. I've watched my two favorite surf documentaries over and over and over, but it doesn't seem to calm me down. It actually hypes me up and makes me want to get wet even more.

Mother Nature has other ideas, so I haven't been able to do any surfing lately. (My god, has it only been nine days?) It's pretty frustrating having the chance to do something I've grown to really love depend on conditions out of my control. And yes, it's part of the magic of the sport. But right now it's not feeling magical. It's feeling frustrating.

I made myself do two yoga sessions and two runs last week (after a pathetically long absence), and I'm glad I did them, but I don't love yoga or running right now. I think I was successful at doing those things regularly last summer because I saw them as an extension of surfing. And they are for me - I need yoga and running to help get me into shape so I can surf better. But I'm out of my groove and now I see them as only irritating reminders of how out of shape I am. I used to mediate on surfing during every run and every yoga session. It made it so peaceful and meaningful. But yoga really sucked last week. It used to calm me in a very deep way, but last week I just sat in class getting worked up. Screw this, I just want to go in the water.

I think I've decided I need to focus on finding a surf school. I want to progress faster than I am progressing right now. Part of that is me being in better shape. That's mine to handle, and it's likely to be an ongoing effort. The other part is just being in conditions that allow me to practice. A week or two in a surf school in a state or country that has consistent surf could really help me grow. I feel so grateful to be learning to surf in Oregon - no reef issues, minimal attitudes, no crowded line ups. But I just want to #$%&! surf. So I am going to start a piggy bank and see what I can find in terms of schools for itty bitty baby beginners like me. It's scary to consider. But exciting, too. And it gives me a goal to focus on. Maybe I can meditate on attending a surf school during running or yoga. And maybe the weather will cooperate and I'll be able to find some freakin waves soon!

Doctors Without Borders

Tonight I went to a local showing of the Doctors Without Borders (in French, MSF) documentary "Living in Emergency" that profiled four MSF doctors on missions in two countries, Democratic Republic of Congo and Liberia. It's an outstanding film, and I'm glad to have caught the showing, as it was being simultaneous broadcast tonight in 450 theaters nationwide and there was a panel discussion afterwards with some of the doctors and other relevant people.

The movie wasn't at all what I thought it would be. It wasn't uplifting, really, and it had very little resolution. (In fact, I'm grateful the excellent panel discussion provided some of the resolution I personally needed.) I'm glad I saw it, but it was difficult to watch. I'm a very, very sensitive person - oversensitive, for sure - and I was a mess for most of it. It's overwhelming in so many ways. Extreme human suffering is hard to watch and assimilate, and this showed the four doctors struggling in the most desperate of circumstances. In fact, one doctor and one seasoned war correspondent both said the mission to Liberia (that occurred during filming) was the last they were able to participate in. It was painful to watch all four doctors experience what on some level were definitely existential crises with no easy answers. But it was very worth seeing, and at the very minimum as humans we probably owe each other just listening to each others stories, even if they're hard. Especially if they're hard. The film should be required viewing.

It affected me in lots of ways but two specific ones I can identify: I think since having nephews I find it even more painful, if possible, to see children suffering. It's unbearable and impossible not to react. I saw their faces in the faces of the children in the movie. And also it makes me think about doing something more meaningful with my life. Last year at this time I was going through the multi-month process of applying for the Peace Corps, and was set to have my interview, the final step in the process, the week following my job loss last February. I didn't blog about it because it was so crazy and personal that I wanted to keep the peripheral noise to a minimum, and I hadn't decided whether or not I would have gone had I been accepted. However, I've always felt that I would do something like that at some point in my life. I was unable to watch the movie tonight without thinking about it. Emotional night.

Information about the documentary from the MSF website here and a very accurate review here. Highly recommended.

Working It Out

I went out for a surfy surf on Friday, hoping to get one in before the big snow and ice storm that never came. I've been a little burnt out on the drive lately (1 hr. 15 min. each way) but I have to admit that after five minutes in the car, I'm stoked and so glad I'm on my way to the water. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world - it's 38º, I'm in Oregon, and I'm about to get wet! It was a gorgeous day, our last sunny one in a while most likely, and the surf was small but you could still find something to ride.

I had a tough session and I'm not exactly sure why. (Let's review: tough = 100 times better than my best day working.) I felt really insecure the whole time. It reminded me of when I started running this summer, and 18 year old girls in booty shorts and sports bras would lap me over and over, and I couldn't even run more than 1/4 mile without stopping to walk. (I admit a lot of embarrassing shit here, don't I?) When I ran I had to just block them out and tell myself - I'm here for me. It's just me and the track; nothing else matters. I also told myself that their boobs wouldn't be perky forever, and that their metabolism would come to a grinding halt in about 15 years, but that's another story.

It seemed I arrived at the cove at the exact moment everyone else did, and although it was a small crowd, I felt like it was that game of "Which one of these things doesn't belong?" There were about 7 or 8 other people, all guys, all tiny and in great shape. What is it about surfing that draws only men 5'8" and under? I have no problem with peanut-sized people, but my almost 5'11" self (I used to be almost 6'0" and god, I miss that extra inch) (that's what she said) tends to look extra-Amazonian in such company. Honestly, I never see tall guys surfing. Even the pros are all generally tiny widdle guys. The exception, of course, is Delicious Laird, but he's not human so he doesn't count.

Anyway, when I got in the water I just felt like I stuck out. I was the only person on the inside - there was exactly one and it was me - and that made me feel like I was on display. So weird. I usually am able to get in the zone better and really stay with the experience, but I struggled this time. Another thing that was frustrating was that I couldn't get many fast rides. This is a bit of a mystery to me. I don't know if I'm going out on days that are too small, or if I'm not paddling fast/strong enough . . . ? The tide was super out, so that might have had something to do with it. When I have a lesson with Jules, she gives me a push from behind when the wave comes. When she does that, I take off like a rocket and (after getting used to it) I love it! It feels like the ride is longer, and it also feels much easier to pop if I'm on a stronger wave. I really noticed it earlier this week during my lesson and told her she must push me quite hard. She said it's really quite small, it's just that she lines the nose of my board up exactly with the wave and that's where all that power is coming from. I don't know if I believe her, but I love it! There's so much more to practice on. And it's a rush to ride so fast on the wave! I really love it.

But for the most part on Friday I just got small waves that more often than not, died out as soon as they reached me. I did both my lazy (knee) pop up and my normal one, although my best rides were on my knees. Gosh, I had one strong wave that I rode on my knees and it felt like it went on forever. I sat up on my knees, sat down on my knees, sat up, looked around, controlled the board slightly right and left - it was a really fun ride. And I tried to ride everything no matter the size or force - I think I got at least 20 rides. So I had a good time in the water, but I was left with feeling some general frustration or disappointment about the pace of my progression.

I headed up to the parking lot to change and it seemed like everyone finished at the same time and headed up to the lot right after me. Great. Again, I felt so foolish and so out of place with the tiny crowd and their tiny boards. I don't know. I'm going to have to find a way to build my confidence and tune everyone out. It's so intensely pure and awesome when I'm able to. I'm looking out in the water on a perfect day and there are ten surfers there! You couldn't pay me to learn in California with dozens of entitled surfers everywhere you look. I feel so lucky to be in Oregon and be learning to surf! I just have a hard time staying focused sometimes. Friday challenged me big in that way. I don't know. I have a lot to learn about surfing and about life.

_____________________________________________________

One thing I want to remember is that I turned around a few times to watch the kids on the outside and caught a guy on a left that Took. My. Breath. Away. There are rides that make your jaw drop, and not always because of huge waves. The sun behind him; it was just art or beauty in motion or something. He looked like he was gliding above the water, and somehow it looked like he was going extremely fast, and also riding in slow motion. I was glad to get in the water, but seeing that ride actually made my trip out there worth it.

Also, thinking through all this, I'm starting to wonder if I should take the idea of finding a surf school a little more seriously. I want to be in the water and I want to get a lot of practice in, and I just won't be able to do that here like I could if I found a good week-long school where I go out two or three times a day. It's super scary to think about - a baby like me - no Jules, no regular spot, probably in Costa Rica or something. And what if I couldn't find one for my skill level? What if they're all too advanced? I don't know. I want to think about it. I'm terrified that I'll find a job soon (and terrified I won't) and be relegated to surfing the occasional Saturday for the rest of my life. I'll never improve at that rate. And I'm eager to learn more so I can do more.

Last comment - I watched the Pipe Masters yesterday online for hours and was so totally taken with it. Not only did my fave, Mick Fanning, take the world title, but there was so much to learn and absorb from it. This article has a nice summary and describes a little of the Fanning/Parko story - Mick was up against his best friend from childhood for the title, and they were in overlapping heats, so near each other in the water, when Mick clinched it. Beside the gorgeous waves and a million little details that made watching the rides great, the sportsmanship that you often (not always) see in surfing is so completely rad - and unheard of in other sports. The humility (again, not always, but more often than not) is stunning. And very inspiring.

Perfect Portland Day

I had a fun day a few weeks ago and I don't want to forget it. December 1st was our first beautiful, sunny day in weeks and I decided it was the perfect time to get out and explore, and even cross an item off the Life List.

First, I went to ride Portland's aerial tram from downtown to OHSU on the hill. It's a $4 round trip and a great way to see the city. It takes about 3 1/2 minutes one-way, and if you're the skittish type, it's a neat little opportunity to combine two fears - claustrophobia and acrophobia - in one event. I did ok - it took a few seconds to realize I wasn't going to plunge to my death, and about the time I stopped holding my breath the worker guy said, "We're about to go by the tower so the tram is going to shake a little." Super! I did have to chill myself out, but I enjoyed the ride, and even let go of the rail for a bit so I could snap some pictures. The day was so clear I could see Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens and even Mt. Adams. It was a lot of fun.

After that I went down to the Oregon Historical Society, which I didn't even know about until my Portland Walking Tour last month. I'm a member of the Chinese Garden, and in December the garden has reciprocal admission with both the Historical Society and the World Forestry Center, so if you're a member of one you can visit the others for free. Such a cool deal.

So I went to OHS (no pictures allowed inside) and ended up having a really great time. I figured I'd learn something, but I didn't anticipate just how much I would enjoy it. A few tidbits - there was a special exhibit about the railroads and how Congress ordered the Army to go west and survey the land. In 1863 the Army wrote a 13-volume report on everything they found, basically saying that Oregon is way rad, which prompted the expansion of the railroad west. I also learned that our state motto is, "She flies with her own wings" which I like. I saw an eight minute film on the evolution of map making (Yay! I love maps!) and learned they used to write fake names for regions when they didn't know what the area really was. I also learned that the then governor of Oregon, Sprague, was one of very few who opposed the Japanese internment camps in WW II, and about widespread anti-Chinese violence in the late 1800's in the Pacific Northwest, which was often initiated by local government. Because of this history, Tacoma is still one of the only cities of its size that does not have a Chinatown. I really had no idea about some of this - very interesting history.

The visit really sparked my interest in learning more about the history of this area, and definitely made me want to go back to OHS. It was a very good experience.


After OHS, I went over to North Portland to find the Flavour Spot, which I'd read about on the ultra cool local blog, Hula Seventy. Flavour Spot serves amazing sweet waffle "tacos," but don't try to take their paper.


This little slice of strawberry and cream heaven was a just a few bucks and worth every calorie. Highly recommended for locals, on the corner of N. Mississippi and Freemont.

Finally, at the end of the day I participated in the candlelight march observing World AIDS Day. There was a good crowd - maybe 150 people - and we marched along 5th Avenue up to City Hall where Mayor Adams spoke for a few minutes and then there was a nice reception and social event. It was a chilly evening, but I was proud of my city for participating.

Another really great Portland day. I'm looking forward to taking advantage of the opportunity to visit the Forestry Center soon, as well as doing more exploring around town. I might have to hit up the Flavour Spot again, too!

Click

I had a really great session yesterday. It turned out to be my best one ever, which is crazy because it was exactly 30º outside - the coldest weather I've ever surfed in! Jules and I congratulated each other on being such badasses - there were actual icicles hanging from the dirt and rocks on the cliff. I'm sure the cold sounds pretty painful, but really it's not that bad. Changing into my wetsuit outside before surfing is chilly for sure. In the water, it's just the first time the water hits your face that it stings. And afterwards it can get pretty intense changing back into dry clothes outside and hanging out with a wet head. Actually, the worst part is using my frozen fingers to peel back the neoprene and pull the straps on my car to mount my board. That just hurts. But being in the water isn't that bad. I wear a full wet suit with gloves and booties, and below about 35º I wear a hood. I actually got fed up with noise being muffled this time and surfed for a bit without the hood, but eventually my ears needed to be covered.

This session was with Jules, and we did the beach talk in my car (with the heat turned up.) It was a great talk. I told her about my discovery (made here) about doing a pop up the right way - that it's not that I don't have the physical strength to do it, but I'm afraid of doing it because there's no backing out - once you start, you're committed. She totally got it and said that one of the reasons she thinks surfing is so healing is because of the ways it requires you to relinquish control to advance. She talked about her own path in surfing and how she's progressed to riding bigger waves, but still sometimes feels fear dropping in on biggies. During our talk I was really feeling grateful to have her friendship and guidance and encouragement through this. It was a good discussion.

So I practiced my move on the sand a few times like usual and then we got in the water. I took some rides and was having fun, and then I decided no more of the old pop up (with knees.) I would only do the real move. And then the craziest thing happened - I did it. It just clicked or something. Just like the guy at the shop said yesterday. (Yeah, the one I referred to as the "shop employee"? Jules let me know he's a former pro. Ok then.) (Dudes, I totally got advice from a former pro.) It wasn't perfect - I never remembered to pivot my front (right) foot (so it's perpendicular to the board), so I wasn't able to balance for long. And for the first three rides I got my feet planted on the deck but was too afraid to lift up with my hands so . . . I ended up doing a bit of a downward dog on the board. Gawd. Not very dignified to ride with my booty in the air. We had a good laugh over that. But on the last good ride I got both feet on the deck and I stood up basically in position just long enough to think, "Omg, I think I just made progress" as I was diving into the water. Man, I hope that sticks. It felt really good specifically because I had to risk to do it. It was another level of letting go and it was a big step. I'm proud of myself and anxious to get in the water to practice it more.

You know, in addition to make some good progress, I just had a total blast in the water with Jules. There were a few other nutty surfers, but they were all on the outside, so we had the whole inside to ourselves. It was sunny and beautiful and we just talked about life and laughed and played in the water. I was really having a "pinch me" experience the whole time.

I went by the shop after the session to buy thicker gloves (HELLO, my 1.5 mm weren't cutting it), and I ended up chatting with the owner for a while. He's a really cool guy. He used to have a respectable job way back when, and he told me all about workin' for The Man and how he made the transition to surf shop owner and how he's been living his dream for the past 11 years. Super cool to hear his story.

Now I have a couple days off because the surf got big (10' and over), and thank god I do because I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. My triceps ached. Strange feeling. I have a big bruise on my right knee (this is such a mystery - it happened early on this summer when I started lessons, too, and then disappeared), and I got quite a bit of sun on my face. I just feel generally wrecked. So I have two days to get it together before I can get back at it.

I can't wait.

Holiday Giveaway - Everyone Wins

I was starting my Christmas cards (I love doing Christmas cards) and wishing I could send all of my blog buddies a card. Somehow that thought morphed into wishing I could send a little gift to everyone, and that morphed into thinking about all the rad music I've been listening to lately on my drives to the coast. I decided that I could easily do up some mixed CDs and offer them to anyone who would like one as a small thank you for reading me and supporting me all year long (or even just stopping by occasionally.) I'm no music guru, but I'm an expert on what I like. I'd be happy to send anyone a mixed CD and maybe you'll find something on there that you like, too. If nothing else, I hear my handwriting is awesome.

If you'd like a mixed CD, just e-mail me at LongStoryLonger@gmail.com and include your mailing address. I listen to mostly singer-songwriter/alt rock stuff, but if that's not your thing, I have a great 80's mix I could send. I promise to not stick J-pop or Backstreet Boys in there, and I'll get your CD out to you asap as soon as the waves die down.

Happy Holidays!

Update: I received a question about overseas readers, and I should have specified this in the post - yes! Anyone in any location is eligible. I'd love to spread a little cheer to the furthest reaches.

First Day On The 10'

So today I took my waxed board out for her maiden voyage! We're currently in the middle of a major cold snap and the high today was supposed to be about 38*. Bummer. I stopped by the shop to get a hood - my first time using a hood - and went to the spot to get started.

I have to say I was really nervous starting out. It was another perfectly sunny day (although quite windy) and there were a good number of other surfers at the cove today. They all looked so confident with their short little boards. I don't know; if I'm away for too long, I have a tough time. I also knew I'd spend this session and the next several getting used to my new board - just flipping off of it over and over and over, and I wasn't stoked to do that in front of a bunch of experts. Add to that the fact that I've had stupid WHOOPING COUGH, no shit, for the last two months (Seriously, what's next? Polio? The bubonic plague?) which has kept me away from running or yoga, and I've been noticing extra padding here and there on my body . . . I was a bit of a wreck.

It turned out to be a great session. The water was frickin cold, and I started out in the parking lot not even sure I could get in, but the hood helps and you just don't notice it after a while. Wearing the hood did bug me in that it muffled noise and made wiping out a little scarier (being held under water and not being able to hear normally), and it made it hard to get water out of my ears, but it wasn't the claustrophobic nightmare I thought it would be. And the best news ever? I didn't flip. I didn't fall off! I couldn't be more shocked. I did just fine on the board. Great, in fact. My first ride was perfectly stable, just like I was on the 11', and every ride after was just about the same. I noticed I struggled with placing myself on the board - there's a foot less space, so I have to figure out where the middle is on this one - where my belly goes so that I'm not too far forward or too far back. And the board is a little thinner in width and thickness. But it all felt really good. I can't believe it - no big transition. Probably lots of little transitions, but no big learning curve again. I felt great on the board!

I should mention that as I huffed my way up the trail and back to my car, board on head, truly exhausted and out of breath, one of the other girl surfers who had been out (on the inside but able to stand) stopped me to talk. She just mentioned the conditions and how we had some kind of rip current in a strange place today, (we both had noticed it), and how her group walked south a bit and found a better area. She made a joke about riding white water and not being ready to play on the outside (outside of where the waves break) yet, and the whole thing was just really friendly. I appreciated her kind gesture. I'd love to make surf buddies.

When I stopped back by the shop to return the hood, I talked for a few minutes with the owner and another really great guy who works there. They asked how I did and I told them about feeling good with the stability of the board. They know I use little hand weights to build my upper-body strength (did you know surfing is almost all upper-body strength?) and so they were telling me a few moves to do with them to help my paddling muscles. It was great to get advice from some smart, long-time surfers.

I didn't mention it while we were chatting, but I've been feeling some increased frustration about not being able to stand up. I have an awesome time every session, but I have wondered what my problem is and if I should just admit defeat at some point. Those things were going through my head as we talked, and suddenly the shop employee said, "You know, it just clicks one day. You're at a plateau and you're just doing the same old moves over and over, and one day, something clicks and you go to the next level. And then you're at that level for a while. It just happens." It was SO encouraging. I hope he's right. I don't think there's anything else I can do than what I'm doing now, so I'm hopeful that "click" is not too far off for me.

Finally, Jules called tonight to touch base about the weather and a session we have planned for tomorrow. We're thinking if it's at least 30-ish we should go for it. When she called I had just gotten out of the shower where I'd scrubbed like hell but still couldn't get the surf wax out of my hair. (Carrying my board on my head leaves a massive rats nest of wax up there.) I asked her about it and we had a quick conversation that reminded me of why I'm so crazy about her. I said, "Hey, how do you get board wax out of your hair? I've got tons up there." She said, "Um, shampoo. Just shower and shampoo your hair like regular and it should come out." I asked, "What if that doesn't do it?" and she answered, "If shampoo doesn't do it then it's fine." Pause. "Uh, what's fine?" "Wax in your hair. You just surf and you get wax in your hair. It's ok."

Right. I could use a serious dose of whatever chill she's got going. Love Jules. Love the new board. Love having a bunch of days with good waves. Love surfing in December. Love it all.

Last Day on the 11'

I surfed last week - first time in a month! (The conditions have been horrible.) Last Wednesday was a gorgeous day weather-wise, and I got a call bright and early from Jules. When I picked up the phone she said, "You'd better be in the water." I told her I had my bathing suit on and was half-way out the door.

The coast was just beautiful. The temp was around 45 and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The town was getting dressed up for Christmas, and I just can't explain how great the vibe was. The sun was just beating down and there wasn't a whisper of wind, so even with low temps it didn't feel all that cold. I used my regular 11' softie (for the last time!) and went out for a couple hours. I surfed for about 45 minutes, took a 30 minute break and then got back in for 30 more. I did some great rides on my knees, practiced popping up the right way (wow, I fall hard when I do that), and paddled around a bit. I was so damn beat by the end - I wanted to take a few more rides, but I could hardly lift myself up by that point. My arms were shot. Time to go in.

That night I came home with my own beautiful board, which you've seen. It was the first time I've driven any real distance with a board on my car and I was a wreck. What a mess. Even though the shop owner helped me secure it on some soft racks on my car, I was certain it would come loose and torpedo the car behind me. I drove no faster than 40 the whole way, so what is usually an hour-and-15-minute drive became an almost 2-hour drive that I was certain would end with casualties. Agony.

On Saturday I finally got up the guts to wax my board. I was just certain I'd do it wrong and I didn't want to screw it up, so I was stalling. I set it up in my garage on some plastic storage bins, brought down my MacBook so I had just the right waxing music, and then I went for it. I'd read about waxing on a bunch of sites and even watched a couple YouTube demos to get a feel for what I was supposed to do. To my surprise, besides having a really tired arm, it was very easy and I think it turned out perfectly - with the deck covered in tiny, sticky bumps. I did get wax everywhere (!) but it smells so yummy that I didn't mind. And now my garage reeks of it.

This is getting long. Part II soon . . .

Update: Something I forgot to mention that I want to be sure to remember is that there was frost on the mountain pass this time and SNOW on the pass on the 6th. A new and strange experience to drive through snow with my bathing suit on with the intent of getting in the water. Also, on the drive right before the mountains I noticed a tree in the woods with Christmas decorations on it. :) And then another. And another. All in all I counted 15, but there are probably more. It was really cool to see that someone had dressed up some trees with holiday cheer.

Shopping Specials & Coupons

I don't want to take that pretty surfboard picture down from the top of my blog, but I do want to share some deals with you guys. I'm not doing a lot of shopping this year, but the stores are trying hard to woo me. Here are some codes that you guys can use if you'd like! I imagine that most can only be used once, but give 'em a try.

Macy's

25% off entire purchase (with a few exceptions like small electronics - those are only 10% off)

Dec. 2 - 7

Online code: MACYSFF

Lane Bryant (Big Girl, You are Beautiful!)

$25 off purchase of $75 or more

$50 off purchase of $150 or more

$75 off purchase of $225 or more

Now - Dec. 24

Online code: 050001637

GAP

$25 off entire purchase made with VISA card

Dec. 4 - 7

Online code: BHC77FXD1HPJ

20% off entire purchase made with VISA card

Dec. 7 - 20

Online code: L1D4YCGNQY8B

Old Navy

$10 off purchase of $50

Now - Dec. 5

Online code: BGCT22PM6FL1

Same deal but Dec. 6 - Dec. 12

Online code: BF1XVNF32ZBY

Same deal but Dec. 13 - Dec. 19

Online code: BCBZVMZXLMRJ

It's A Girl

I want to introduce you guys to my new baby. This is a gorgeous 10' classic longboard that now lives at my house! I got it yesterday and the shop owner gave me a totally sweet deal so I didn't even have to sell drugs to get it. Let's see . . . I think we're going to call this a 2 + 1 fin set up (not sure why we don't call it 3; maybe a tri-fin refers only to short boards?), which means there are two small and one large fins on the bottom of the board. The guy put plastic fins on for me (as opposed to glass) to make it slightly less lethal, so that's good. It was shaped in California by Gary Linden, and it's Cleveland Street Surfboards (CSS), which is his second label. (Kinda like wine, I guess.) And then BFD is the local surf shop second label (with a rad logo.) It's basically never been in the water - a guy bought it, waxed it, and then decided he wanted a custom-made board instead. The shop owner threw in the fins, a leash, and wax (hello, bro deal), and I got soft racks to transport it on top of my car, which terrifies me and had me driving about 20 miles under the speed limit the whole way home.

Isn't it pretty? I'm so glad it's not red or bright yellow or something. And it's so soft and cuddly. I drove with my sunroof open so I could touch it - perfectly smooth. Soon I'll figure out how to wax it (it takes a base coat first - just like fingernails) and I'll get it wet, but last night I had a friend help me get it up the stairs in my apartment so it could sleep inside. Mine. All mine.

Now for the neurosis: I've had a bit of a strange reaction to getting the board - I guess I'm freaked out to be using a big girl board instead of my trusty soft top. I would like very much to not kill myself surfing (until I learn to ride bigger waves), and I would like to keep the humiliation I bring upon myself to a minimum. Using a softie says, "Hi world! I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" I just don't want to seem like a poser - I have no illusions that I'm really able to surf at all. In fact, the only reason that I blog about "going surfing" is that it's easier to say than, "Today I went to the coast and got a surf board and then went into the water with it but just up to my chest and then I kind of rode it on my belly and knees and I fell off a lot." I don't know. Surfing is an intimidating sport. It's crazy hard. The divide between people who know what they're doing and those who don't is massive. I think that is all part of the reason I'm liking going out in the winter so much - there are so few people around; very few distractions, nothing to worry about or even think about besides the connection I feel when the wave picks me up.

I love it. It's going to be a real adventure to get used to it and learn to balance on it and everything. I'm excited to connect with it in the water; I imagine it will be a good feeling to learn on my very own board. I promise to feed it and water it and give it lots of TLC. More stories - hopefully many, many more - to come.