I'm still finding my way. I've wanted to blog more, little stories here and there, but time seems to be the thing I have the least of these days. To an extreme. Or maybe that's sleep. Either way, I'm hopeful that I'm working it out, whether or not I see much evidence of that. I just feel like I must be.
Work is good. I really like the people, and I don't actually like people very often. A sharp, young coworker of mine who sits in the cube across from me enjoys watching me unwrap my crumpled peanut butter-on-Dave's Bread sandwich every day, to which she dryly says, "I see you cooked." I had my first staff meeting yesterday, and afterwards two of my peeps went to my boss and said that they love me. Now, relax. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. I know it's a matter of time before those exact employees hate me, but it felt good and I took a few moments to enjoy it.
School is a complete mystery. It's good, bad, fun, a drag . . . I have no idea. I am, however, going to be half-way done with my first year before I know it. Crazy. Time is a thief. I am still figuring school out, too.
I will hear next week if I get chosen to be on the jury of a special trial set to last 4 to 5 weeks. I know. All the potential jurors went last Friday to fill out questionnaires and get the basics, and it sounds horrific. I wrote a letter basically begging to not be chosen. I feel a degree of guilt about requesting to be excused, but I really, really don't think that would be good for me right now. But what do I know about what is good for me. I'm waiting to see what happens.
I want to surf so bad. A few weeks ago I was in an HR class at work (with all managers) and we went around in a circle answering a question that was written on the board as an ice-breaker. It said, "Money, time, and responsibility aside, I'd rather be doing __________ ." It took me one second to answer that question. I'd rather be surfing. Then and now. I'd rather be surfing. It made me happy because at the time I'd surfed about 3 days earlier and I thought, I'm basically living my "If you won the lottery . . . " question. Perhaps not exactly, but closer than ever before.
I feel like some of that has gotten lost in the last three weeks between late nights, lunch-hour meetings, production reports, PTO calculations, lesson plans and learning theories, and just plain old exhaustion. But I feel determined - determined - to get it back. The first place I'm going to look for it is at the track where I run tomorrow. I have a good feeling I might find something important there.