Visit

My BFF is visiting from Washington DC this week, so I'm mostly MIA from the Internets. (It's kinda nice to be unplugged every once in a while, isn't it?) It's his first time to the Perfect Amazing Beautiful Pacific Northwest, so I've been trying to be a good tour guide, although it mostly comes out like, "This is our courthouse building, I think, and it was built a long time ago and important stuff happens here." I am, however, an expert in Portland's best cupcake places and the yummiest food carts, so all is not lost.

It's so great to have my buddy around. I've really missed him. Last night we stayed up until 1:00 going through all my matches on eHarmony (I've been a bit neglectful of those lately) and he gave hilarious commentary as we together decided on the fate of each match. I'm going to take him to the beach to show him my surf spot, and we're going to try to fit in a day trip to Seattle (I know - a day trip to Seattle?!) before he leaves on Saturday. And there will be a lot more cupcakes, too.

Decisions

Tomorrow is my last observation day at the high school. I've really been loving it. In Psych we're studying school mass.acres and looking at what makes a kid prone to that type of behavior. Scary stuff, but it is fascinating. I am even doing the homework! (I'm not turning it in for grading, but let's assume I'd get A's if I did.) Did you know that if a child is seriously mistreated between the ages of 0 and 3 it actually alters their brain chemistry and changes who they will become? The way that happens - the ways the brain changes - is fascinating and heartbreaking. I absolutely love psychology. I'm going to miss going to that class.

I had my interview for the teaching program at the grad school last night. I've been pretty nervous the last few weeks, but I didn't write (or even talk) about it because I was trying to put it out of my mind. It was 2 1/2 hours and they gave us very little information beforehand, but it turned out great. It was your basic assessment/observation set-up with the applicants engaging in structured discussions and group projects, and professors assigned to monitor each applicant while the discussions and projects took place. I left feeling pretty good about my performance. I didn't feel completely confident, but I had given it a good effort after a very long week. (It's been a rough few weeks around LSLville.) We were told that we would hear from the school with the results of our interviews within two weeks.

I've really felt great about the program and have been hoping to get in, but I did have one reservation after last night. Because it is a full-time program, most of the applicants are very young. Several are still completing their undergrad degrees. They were great people, and I was impressed that they knew what they wanted to do career-wise at such a young age, but I have reservations about being in a program with 15 twenty-three year olds. When I got my MBA (at this same school), it was a two-year night program, and most of my classmates worked during the day, and were similar to me in both age and life stage. The interaction with those folks added so much to my experience, and I'm still friends with a few of those kids today. I can't really stress enough how positive that part - meeting people in similar places intellectually and developmentally - was for me. I think I could learn a ton from younger folks and have fun with them, too, but I would really miss having the kinds of connections that I had last time I was in school - the kinds that require a fully formed prefrontal cortex. I'm not sure what to do about that. The school has a less aggressive night program that I could opt for, but it's over a year longer than the FT program. When I left the interview, I decided I would just think about it. My mom, sister, and eHarmony guy #4 all think I'm making too big a deal of that, but at the interview I felt like the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.

Well, I got a call from the school today. I'm in! I was shocked to hear from them so soon. Crazy, this is all crazy! I think I only have two weeks to give them a deposit to hold my place in the program, so I have a lot of thinking to do in a short amount of time. I am really undecided and I have feelings all over the place. I'm excited to possibly do something that feels meaningful, and excited that I could start to do it so soon. I also feel overwhelmed about making a change at this stage and age, and part of me feels like I need to find a good banking job and stop thinking crazy thoughts. I've also thought about getting a banking job and doing the night program for the next couple of years. Also, am I sure that teaching is really, really for me? And, what if I do all of this and next year I'm an unemployed teacher instead of an unemployed banker? That would suck. Plus, thinking about a huge salary cut is different than seeing one in your paycheck. All of these thoughts (and more) are swimming around in my brain.

I interviewed my favorite teacher from my observation experience after school today. It was so fun. She's been teaching for seven years and still has quite a skip in her step. She was encouraging, and yet seemed to be very candid about the things that discourage her about her job. I took great notes and will definitely be reading through them again in the next couple of weeks. I have a lot of thinking to do!

Yes, Even Freud

I completed my second week of high school observation yesterday. Only one more week to go. This week I added an Intro to Psych class into the mix, so now I go to three classes - two histories and psych. Attending psych is my own little nerd dream come true - when the teacher first introduced Skinner, Wundt, and James to the class, I let out a tiny squeal of joy. Psych is my very favorite subject and I think by far the most relevant of all subjects . . . although I may be biased.

We had group projects in every class this week, so I was able to participate in groups with the kids. I loved it. I tried to float around in order to spend time with almost everyone, and it was the first time I was able to get real one-on-one interaction. It was pretty great. The kids are so genuine - I'm surprised how much I'm enjoying them. They have crazy answers to questions! I love hearing how their little incomplete brains work. Their logic is so unique to their age. I paid special attention to see who I was drawn to (overachievers, loners, ethnic minorities) and what qualities repelled me (entitlement, extra snotiness) and tried hard to give everyone my full, equal attention. Wow, they want it. And at one point I caught a couple kids trying to cheat during a test and I gave them stink eye that hopefully burnt permanent holes into their foreheads. They stopped immediately.

In the correspondence that I receive from the grad school I'm considering, they keep saying they want to help me with my "dream of becoming a teacher." It's bugging me bad. Being a teaching isn't a secret wish I've been nurturing for 30 years. They way they're phrasing it makes me wonder if I shouldn't go in this direction because that isn't my story. I'm worried that they're focused on one type of story.

The longer I spend in the classroom, the more I think I could really, really like teaching. I don't think I'd do it for free, and I do think it would feel like a job - it seems like there are some parts that are pretty hard. But I think it could be a job that I would enjoy and that could be satisfying. I wasn't sure I'd feel that way about teaching high school, and I definitely didn't get that from my first day of observation, so it feels good to be enjoying the experience. I'm really looking forward to next week.

Five Minute Passing Periods

A lot has been going on but I haven't been able to put words to most of it. One exciting thing is that last week I started my three week observation period at the local high school. It's a requirement of the teaching program that I have applied to - I need to spend time observing the age of kids that I want to teach.

So I am going to high school again! It's crazy. I only attend four days a week, and only a couple of hours a day, but it's pretty weird. I was so nervous the first day. It's a little scary walking down the halls trying to find my classrooms - there are herds of kids everywhere! I get especially nervous in between classes because I really want to make it to the next one before the bell rings so I'm not late. Did I really just write that sentence at age 38? And I actually sit in the desks with the kids and read the handouts and participate in small groups and everything. I ended up getting some great teachers and so far I'm loving it. I'm taking notes on teaching styles and writing down questions about different methods, but I'm enjoying the material as much as anything. I'm in a Western Civ class (which I almost flunked in college, I might add) and a History of World Governments class, and I start a Psych class this week. I think I'll love that one.

The kids are fun. I thought they'd be just babies, but they don't seem all that young or immature. (I think I'm in 9th and 10th grade classes.) A lot of the kids engage in discussions and track fairly well with the teachers. At first I was discouraged because the teachers are constantly having to "shush" the students, but then I remembered that I was constantly having to do that when I taught at the college level in Japan. So I guess that never goes away.

I was bored and on a miscellaneous chat application on my iPhone the other night and I sent a message to the group that said, "Tell me some great news!" Someone replied with, "I have a 4.0 all straight A's yeah baby!!!!!" I asked what grade the person was in and it turned out to be an 8th grade boy. I told him I wanted to become a teacher, and I asked him, "What do you think makes a great teacher?" He replied, "Being stricked. Being fun though. Getting things understood and making sure that everyone understands." I said, "You got all A's with that spelling and grammar???" Just kidding. I thanked him for the great advice and said I thought he was right on. Cute as hell, isn't it?

I think I'm about a month out from learning whether or not I'm accepted into the teaching program. Every day my mind swirls with all the implications of both making it and not making it. It's a little overwhelming, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.