Monday, February 21, 2011

Return to Me

I burned a day of PTO today to stay home and finish up a homework assignment that was due a week ago for a class that is already over. Two additional classes have started since (I'm kind of hating school right now) so I needed to get that thing done. I finished it at 9:00 tonight - 27 pages of pure pain - and sent it off without so much as a quick proofread. Not even a glance to make sure all the pages were there. I just didn't have it in me. Sometimes it's like that.

Tonight the house is pretty clean and the laundry is done. The garbage is out and I'm about to start the dishwasher before I head to bed. I changed around the living room furniture on Friday, which I kind of never do because of the blind cat, but he's doing ok and it feels good to have a bit of change. And a couple hours ago I sat down with some Hagen Dazs, let the blind cat fall asleep in my lap, and I watched a movie. I think it was my third movie in the past 12 months. It felt great.

I'm kind of hating my job right now (see a pattern? I need a break) so it just was good to get 3 days away. I like my job but it's too much. It's too much. And two-day weekends where I rarely leave the house and do 14 hours of homework each day just haven't been cutting it. But yesterday I caught up with my mom and sister on the phone, and then took my homework down to the froyo lounge for a little evidence of other lifeforms on earth.

I'm still trying to find my way back to myself. Surfing last week helped a ton. But as a good friend reminded me, you can't just flip a switch. In little ways I'm figuring it out. I'll try to get a run in tomorrow before work and my homework for Wednesday is relatively light. I'm finding a few minutes to answer e-mails to reconnect with my people, and I finally wrote my Grandma last week. I'm not doing it perfectly but I'm taking small steps. It feels good.


  1. This is good. PTO is for this because mental health is as important as physical health. Keep baby stepping. Keep remembering you. You are worth some attention. Some of that other shit? Can wait.

  2. 27 pages???? That is a serious paper!

    Small steps are better than no steps, remember that.