Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Not much has been happening in the news lately, so I thought I'd share the latest in my little life. Huntington Beach and I made the split. In essence. It was the most mature, caring, sensible parting of ways I've ever experienced, and I hate it. Detest. I'm miserable, lonely, empty. I've only been mentioning HB here for about the last six months, but he and I met over two years ago the very first week I moved back to Portland. So there wasn't much of the health problems, time off from work, lazy summer, learn to surf, extended job hunt, decision to become a teacher, going back to school, painful work transition, turning forty experience that I didn't share with him. In the end, I think I let heinous family stress do us in. I didn't know how to stop it. It doesn't really matter because it's the right thing, but if he so much as opened the door a crack I'd rush back in and lap up every ill-fated second.


  1. Aw, I don't like it when the people I like hurt. Was it the right thing to do?

    I guess learning to walk as babies is a good thing. We're none too bright at that age. We pull ourselves up on our two hind legs and fall on our faces. We do it again and fall on our butts. Being stupid, it never occurs to us to give it up. Excellent training for the road ahead, filled as it is with pot holes and speed bumps. We never seem to stop tumbling until we stop altogether.

    Is that too depressing?

  2. Ouch! I recognise this feeling - especially the stuff about everything being shared experience. "Separation" is such an anodyne word for something so wrenching and mutilating as this. I'm really sorry, but it's always my feeling at these times that this one HAD to be out of the picture to make space in your heart for Mr Longterm.

    Unfortunately, I suspect MY Mr Longterm has misunderstood his appellation and is taking his sweet time arriving. I hope I'm still able to stand unassisted by the time he turns up.

  3. :( That sucks. I'm sorry your hurting and I'm here for you if you need me.

  4. My friend, my heart goes out to you. It's never easy, even when done in a mature, loving way, to lose someone of significance and comfort like HB has been for you. 2 years is a good chunk of time to share your heart and saying goodbye, particularly when you are in turmoil with some heavy family stuff, must really hurt. I hope that you can lean on your friends (cough, like me, cough) to help carry some of the weight of your stress. That's a perk of friendship.

    I wish I could give you a big hug.

  5. Sigh . . . and once again, our lives run parallel tracks.

    Well then. We need to plan a proper commiseration . . .May is crap for me, but June is looking up! It's about time I got my butt down to Portland.

  6. Awwww, Pal, I am so sorry.
    Sensible isn't ever easy.
    If I can do anything, let me know :)