Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Settling In

Each night I open up this little guy on my MacBook and then I think for a while and the I close it. I don't know what to say. My place is coming along. I'm liking it. This week the TV got installed, and for someone who doesn't really watch TV I've sure been glad. I think it's just one more thing that I can check off the list. Tonight I hung a picture. That felt good. Last night I bought the last big piece of furniture I need (a desk), assembled that mofo for hours and finished at 12:30 AM only to realize it was too large for the space. Swearing happened. Tonight I spent about two hours disassembling it and trying to fit it back in the box with all those styrofoam blocks. I thought styrofoam was bad for us or something.

It doesn't seem like Christmas. That might be good because the holidays are always a bit . . . sideways . . . but I do enjoy them and wish I felt like decorating. As it is, I would rather watch back to back marathons of the Real Housewives for a week than disturb my unpacking flow by getting Christmas crap out and putting it all over my place. (That's not true, actually.) It gives me hives to even think about. I'll miss reading by Christmas tree light - something I enjoy every year - but maybe I can find a way to make the house a little festive without messing it up. Can't. Mess up. Newly organized house.

I'm in a weird place personally. I'm gaining weight, which is always my way of trying to protest something. I'm meeting lots of guys and having serial dating disasters. That's no good. I'm moody as a son of a gun. I feel really closed off. I think I need to settle in and stop attending to the to do list and just let the past year-ish catch up with me. Not be busy. I also need to open myself up and share with friends. I'm not good at that but when I do it, it feels really right and it almost always helps. My sewing room is coming along and I've set up my machine at the dining room table in the meantime. It's felt really good to sew again. Setting up a new house alone is a great exercise in identity; every decision asks, "What do I want?" or "What do I like?" Those are good questions for me to think about and act on. I'm severely sleep deprived, but working my way back to semi-normalcy. I cancelled a few trips I had in December to just stay put and feel my feet in my shoes. This is a good place for me to be right now.

I finally finished those 20 zipper pouches someone ordered. I even got them done early.
Sayonara, 20 pouches. I'm sick of you. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're staying put for December so you can settle in. Taking the time to unpack and set up your homebase can do wonders for your outlook. Ordering the wrong size furniture is a huge hassle but buying it AND assembling it only to find out it doesn't fit? Maddening! Grrr!