Friday, February 15, 2013

Random Happy & Sad

The sun is shining today and the sky is completely blue. Just opening up my blinds and seeing that takes weight off my shoulders - I feel such relief. It's supposed to get up to 59* today, which will be wonderful. I'm home from work, sick with the remnants of a nasty chest cold, but I might even get myself out for a walk in this weather.

I've been pretty depressed lately. I don't really want to go into it all, but I think it's just the long culmination of difficult things over the past couple of years and then utter confusion and sadness over my dad's death. I've always said that I never thought I'd been truly depressed before and now I know that was right. This is new. It feels like an exponential increase of gravity weighing me down - it is almost impossible to plan, move, get things done. It has neutralized all of my energy and ability to accomplish anything. I've gained weight. I can't seem to get ahead of anything. It's discouraging . . . which makes me depressed.

I have been enjoying following my beloved Portland Trail Blazers. (Actually, if you're a Blazer fan, you know that "enjoying" isn't quite the right word there. They can be a painful team to follow.) I have a half-season ticket and I listen to the shows I don't attend, and that keeps me fairly busy and engaged. Even when I'm down and don't really feel like doing anything, putting on a Blazer game gets my energy up. A week or so ago we had our first sunny day in EONS, and the minute I saw the sunshine I thought, "Holy crap, did basketball season just get me through a crappy, grey winter?" Since focusing on ball, I've hardly noticed our shittastic weather, which is really saying something. It's only the second season I've really followed the sport (as an adult, anyway), and I can honestly say that it's brought me a lot of joy. (Even if every game comes down to the last two minutes and is myocardial infarction-inspiring. That's just a normal season for us.) I can't really afford to travel like I have in the past, but I've wondered if this might be a good enough trade off. That I'd even consider that it might be is encouraging.

I'm going to do some sewing - I just got a bunch of new Japanese-themed fabric in and new fabric always inspires me. Plus, my sewing room set up is about as friendly and cozy as it gets - it's the perfect space for me to create in. I have a little iPhone dock set up so I can listen to music or podcasts while I work, and sitting, sewing, and listening to This American Life is about as good as it gets lately. I'll take it.

Finally: Want to smile and get a warm feeling in your belly? Here are two perfect opportunities:

President Obama Being Adorable with Adorable Children
President Obama with Babies

You're welcome.

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