Solo Watersports

I worked today! I worked! It was so fun. I had a two-hour orientation session at my new office. We did paperwork and got fingerprinted. I wore real clothes and parked in my special place and everything. On the way out I grabbed a security guard and asked, "Are people who work here happy?" and he said, "It depends. Who are you going to work for?" I told him my boss's name and he said, "Aw, man, you're not gonna have any problems. She is the best." I knew it. I've had a great vibe about her. I got to see her briefly today and she said how excited she is to work with me, and that I'll need to hit the ground running on Monday. I can't wait.

After orientation I had to go take a drug test. Wow. What's more humiliating than a drug test? Congrats to those that can, but I cannot pee on command. Knowing this, I'd been slamming water all morning during orientation. I finished my third bottle on the way to the lab and everything went fine, although I did pee all over myself while trying to get a little in the cup. I'm quite open-minded and everything, but that is one kink I could never get into. I suppose the OCD crowd pretty much stays away from that. Then I had to try to not get too much in the cup because I thought that would be weird. Afterwards I wanted to scrub my hands surgeon-style up to my elbows.

Everything with me comes with a humiliating story, so here's the drug test one: in college I had to do a SUPERVISED drug test (are those even legal anymore?) (I guess everything is "supervised" under GWB, isn't it?) and I couldn't do it. Stage fright. I had to leave the hospital lab for a Big Gulp and then return to try again. Four times. It never did work and the head nurse eventually had to call the company and ask if she could leave the room. She did, I did, and I ended up keeping the job for four hours before I quit. Rough memories and I'm glad this one is over! (P.S. I brought the nurses flowers the next day to thank them for babysitting me for six hours.)