Saturday, April 7, 2007

Begin, Again

Is anyone else getting spam from Jesus lately? Seeing his name in the e-mail "from" line kind of throws me off. I guess I was hoping he would have something more profound to say, especially around Easter and all.

I feel like I should post a job update, but I don't really know how to explain the past week. I started my new job on Monday and IT WAS ROUGH. I cried for hours that night and decided that I should probably quit. I cried every night until Friday, which was the first day I didn't spend my lunch hour plotting a dramatic suicide (Death by Lotus Notes) to be carried out in my cubicle.

The jury is still out. I'm completely overwhelmed with the learning curve and the culture shock (think Time Warner Cable Guy x 1000, but the now TWC Guy is from NYC and speaks so fast and with such a thick accent that I can't understand a word he says.) I don't know anything, seriously, about the line of business. Not one thing. I'm not used to being in that position, and I'm finding that I'm lacking the confidence that I can pick it all up as quickly as I'll need to. But I'll say that the people are nice, really nice, and my boss still seems great. I've been very candid with her about my worry that I won't be able to get up to speed quick enough, and she doesn't seem to share the concern. But I feel like there are so many ways this could go wrong, and only a couple ways it could go right. I don't know if that's accurate, but that's how I feel.

Those of you who are nutjobs about The Secret will find this part completely orgasmic: when I moved to Upstate, I stayed in a hotel for two months. It was part of my repatriation package from my former bank. During that time I was looking for a job, and I would sit in my living room at the hotel, going through the want-ads, and look out the windows to two office buildings that were across a small field. They looked new and professional, and were clearly secured buildings. (To a banker that means those people don't have to interact with the general public, which was one of my criteria for a new job.) I just liked the "feel" of the offices. And day after day I would look out my windows at the buildings and think, "I want to work someplace like that." So fast-forward five months and, yep, I'm working in one of those two buildings.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I am really taking it one day at a time. It's all I can handle right now. I'm focusing on learning the LOB and learning my boss's style, and I have to believe that if all the confusion and crap from the past ten months worked out, that this will work out - somehow - too.

I'm thinking about putting my archives up again, so we'll see if it happens. For now here's this - one year ago I had finally decided that I would have to leave Japan sooner than later.


  1. It isn't a matter of days, but of weeks and months, to settle into a new job. You seem fortunate in your boss and co-workers. Use those burgeoning relationships to good effect. Turn to them to learn.

    Your humility is preferable to an arrogant know-it-all attitude that plows on through with no regard to proper procedure or outcome.

    The person who hired you saw something in you that would benefit the company. Trust that judgment.

    The tears should start to lessen in a few days, the fears in a couple of months. If they don't, then you're allowed to move on.

    Long story short (don't you like that play on words?), what you're going through is appropriate.

  2. Glen said it right on.....this is measured over the long-term, never the short. Having said that, crying repeatedly during the first week doesn't sound like very much fun....but at least there was no gnashing of teeth. Time, my friend....take time. Long term, big picture.

  3. Everything that is new is always scary at first because it puts us out of our comfort zone. I'm proud of you!

    Hope the Easter bunny made it to your house!

  4. Oh sure... put up your archives so I can spend an hour reading about fascinating Japan life instead of working! When I get reprimanded for not handing in my project at deadline, I'm blaming you. :-)

  5. Hmmm. well, you sparked my curiosity enough to make me order The Secret on Netflix, and bump it to the top of my qeue.

    BTW, I'm with Lisa. I'm proud of you. What you've done/are doing takes such GUTS! And tears, and frustration, and acclimation and.... yeah, it pretty much takes all you've got.

    It sucks now, but for whatever it's worth, i'm also with your boss. You can do anything, LSL. Really.

    Be all the way where you are, as often as you can. It's honest, authentic, and probably the most helpful aspect of growing through the pains. And remember you've got a host of LSL groupies and real friends out here cheering you on.


  6. ps: be kind to you. you're fighting a hard battle.

    (somebody really smart said that before me) ;)

  7. hey. i know you don't know me from adam, but really, it takes time to get used to any new job, let alone someone in your situation. you haven't worked in forever and not only are you getting used to doing the whole 9-5 (7-7?) thing again, but you're getting used to working IN AMERICA.

    your coworkers sound awesome. use them. they'll help you swim instead of sink.

    i bet half of the people who read your blog wish they were so lucky.

    hang in there. really. it will get better.

  8. oh and btw, the spam mails from jesus have been FREAKING ME RIGHT OUT. i keep wondering why jesus wants me to have a larger penis. he shouldn't be worried about those kinds of things. and then i wonder if he knows something of which i'm unaware...

  9. well shoot. jesus hasn't sent me anything. sigh. hope that doesn't mean a dire and flaming future for this child o' god.

    love the story about visualizing your future and finding it coming true. very nice.

    i am envious of your time in japan. i wish i had the freedom to live elsewhere. i look at the house sitting websites all of the time and think that when my pets are gone, i'll be off, living around the world. can't bear the thought of losing the animals, but they are an encumbrance to free spirit-hood.