After a few weeks I decided to try the local high school track to see how far I could run. Just for fun. I could run 1/4 of a mile without stopping. I started doing that a few times a week and eventually was able to increase it.
I accomplished something really big this weekend. My brother and I ran the 5k Bank to Bay race in Tacoma, WA. My only goal was to run the entire way and not have to walk at all, and I did it. I finished 41st out of 53 in my age group :>. My amazing brother, who I call my twin (I'm 8 years older), ran with me the entire way and gave me lots of encouragement, especially during a mother of a hill on that last mile. We had fun doing it together.
I'm disappointed to say that I've struggled with my internal dialogue quite a bit since. Ridiculous, I know. I didn't run it fast enough, hard enough, good enough. I haven't lost an ounce during all that running, so what's the point? It's so hard to show up for yourself! So I'm trying to just be proud of my accomplishment. And build on it going forward.
I think that's amazing! I've never run a race like that, and I really want to, but my motivation always lets me down. I admire that you made it!
ReplyDeleteI love how you throw yourself into these things and how honestly you write about your feelings and thoughts - it's good to know that I'm not the only one with those worn tapes playing in my head.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your run - I seriously doubt I'd ever be able to run even the quarter mile, even if I was chasing a box of Belgian Chocolate Seashells.
Hugs to you in your cool t-shirt, and to your lovely Brother, who I shall henceforward be referring to as "My Future Husband" (I hope that's okay?) :)
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ReplyDeleteLook at you. You're walking around your city - at night. You're running races. Me, I couldn't run from a twelve-year-old lugging a Luger if my life depended on it. Come to think of it, my life would depend on it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, what I wanted to say was that I'm not going to sit here way down yonder in New Orleens and tell you to stop berating yourself cause you didn't do as good as you thought you should have. Berating is a proven way to grow and mature. So face facts and admit your failure: Gosh, 41st out of 53 - and that in your own age group! Shameful. Do it again!
One other thing before I leave you alone to get back on the track: you ever notice how everybody's brothers are so hawt compared to us!?
Showing up for yourself IS hard. I know it, sister. GAH! But you keep dong it and showing others how it's done. Your bravery is inspiring.
ReplyDeleterunning races is like tattoos. you can't stop at just one. i know. i've tried with both. and it's because of that inner, scolding voice.
ReplyDeletehowever, what will get you to stop running races is attempting a half marathon in kansas. in july. in 35 mph winds. with a huge blister on one foot because you stupidly ran an easy 7 miles the day before without any socks on. when that happens, you tell the inner voice to shut the fuck up already and go buy a couple bags of potato chips and a six pack of beer.
try it. i recommend it highly. because people obsessed with running marathons are pretty boring all in all.
CONGRATS! And thanks for sharing. It is a wonderful accomplishment!
ReplyDeleteWell done, you.
ReplyDeleteAwesome sauce! Yet again, you demonstrate fierce radtasticness.
ReplyDeleteNow, if you ever get tired of the internal dialog of self-abuse, I will be happy to take over for you. You can even pay me for the pleasure! I really am the master o' verbal abuse. You'll totally get your money's worth AND you'll be able to give your inner tapes a break. Total win/win.
But was there beer?
ReplyDeleteI remember my first 5k. The fact that I was able to run 3miles without stopping surprised me.
ReplyDeleteI did the same thing, wishing I ran fast, good enough ect. But look at where you came from and look at where you can go.
So, congrats! You deserve to be proud of yourself.