Thirty-Six Is Better So Far

For my birthday I got a job. I got the offer on my birthday and accepted yesterday. I'm stunned. For the past two days I've been buzzing around, half exhausted/half wired, bumping into walls and staring into space. What in the world? I've been unemployed and looking (and desperate) since June of last year when I quit my soul-sucking job in Japan and moved back to the States. Why now? Why this? I'm stunned.

Let's see, what to say. The job is a very good one with a great, strong, global company based in NYC. I'll be managing three departments, and my associates are at a higher level than I've ever managed, so that will provide a good challenge for me. I wish I could say more about the specifics, but I guess soon I'll rejoin the ranks of employed bloggers trying to not get dooced. And although you never can tell 100% upfront, I will say the job sounds very interesting, is a definite stretch, good money, good benefits, comes with a special parking space :) and a little bit of fun travel, and I think my manager might be great. It's in a totally new area of finance, and it's completely away from retail/customers. It's basically exactly what I wanted, and exactly what every single person, except my sister and one friend, that I discussed my search with at length, told me I probably couldn't get. No further comment about that. And I'd love to say something snarky here about The Secret, but I can't even joke about it without twitching. How about I'll say this: if I could have drawn this job to myself by pure desire, I would have had it ten months and one big savings account ago.

So I'm happy, of course. But I'm also stunned and overwhelmed and I am having crazy insomnia. I don't know if it's all job stuff, or if it's partially related to jet lag, or maybe it's the Sprinkles Cupcakes diet that I'm on. But last night I was vacuuming and cleaning and alphabetizing my personal files until 3:00 AM. I'm totally overwhelmed. Can I do it? Do I even remember how to have a job? Can I get up before 8:00 AM? Do I own clothes other than PJs? Can I wear my Rocket Dogs with my suits? Did I ever actually don nylons or give reviews or use the phrases "value-added" "core competencies" or "low-hanging fruit" with a straight face? I'm not sure. I'll let you know.

So, I guess this is all part of the cosmic joke, but I have to mention my resume. I'm not sure what kinds of lessons I should draw from this, if any, but a couple weeks ago I got beyond over it and I completely reworked my resume, taking off every significant professional accomplishment. I striped it of anything remotely impressive and brought it down to a pathetic, three-quarter page very basic list of total crap. I was swearing and belligerent and hateful, and I was talking out loud (to no one) as I did it, telling off every company that's ever rejected me by saying that I was overqualified.

So after ten months of searching, that night I used my new resume to apply for a job online. The next day I got called for an interview, and the next day I had the interview, which lasted three hours. And that, my friends, is how I got this job.