I feel like a lot is going on. It felt amazing to actually cast a vote for Hillary on Tuesday. I'm nervous about what the final outcome will be, but enjoying every minute of the process.
I had tat appointment #8 last week. Um, ouch. I was running late this time and wasn't able to ice my leg before the treatment. WOW, that ice makes a difference. The good news is that I think I'll only need one more treatment. Boys and girls, I just can't recommend tattoos. I want to, and in between appointments or during boring evenings when I catch Miami Ink I think I'm going to, but I just can't imagine ever doing that again. There was lots of screaming.
You won't believe this, but that vacation I took last November? I still have to post about two cities - Bratislava and Budapest. I know it's old news, but I want to be sure to get it down. I'm going to try to kick that out this weekend.
Anyhoodle, the bummer is that with the great trip and everything I still feel like shit lately. I don't know what it is. The old tricks aren't working. I have a birthday next month and I was wondering if that was getting to me, but I don't think so. At some point around the holidays I lost my ability to deal and I just haven't been able to get it back. I hate parts of my job (the people, I guess, not the work) and I feel manipulated and demoralized every day. I am worrying a lot about my future and just feeling ineffective and powerless in general. I'm just not a person to get depressed, and I guess I'm depressed. It's not fun, I don't recommend it. I feel lonely, and I hear really often from a lot of supportive friends that I've had for years, but I want them to be here, in my town, meeting me after work for dinner. This is totally not what I had in mind. So I'm trying and I know I'll get there. I think it helps to a degree just to say it.Today I had an appointment with the local AIDS support org and I'm going to start being a PLWA buddy. I'd wanted to volunteer doing hotline work - it just felt more in my comfort zone and I've done and enjoyed hotline work before - but they need buddies right now and I feel like I need to be a part of the solution, even in a small way. So I'm nervous but looking forward to starting. It will just entail weekly or biweekly trips to the grocery store, accompanying her to medical appointments, helping out with small tasks around the house. I'm hoping it will surprise me and feel like a really good fit. The person interviewing me today said over and over, "You're going to be great at this." She said things like, "You're so social (I'm not social) and easygoing (huh?), I think you're going to be great." We'll see.
Thanks for listening. I'll get there.