I got laid off today. It's shocking, really. I am in shock. Literally one minute I'm on hold with the IRS about a pending tax liability, making notes in files and making sure my documentation is within bank policy, and the next minute I'm packing up boxes and reassuring HR that those really are pens I brought from home; I'm not stealing anything. See the Japanese writing on the side? I got them a few years ago, before moving to New York.
Gosh, I'm just in shock. I have this strange, mild awareness that I'm being pushed into another major life transition, but I can't really go any further than that mentally. I guess that's probably good, because I just don't know if I have it in me. I got home at about 1:00 PM and since then I've been alternating between crying my head off and staring off into space for twenty or thirty minutes at a time until the cat comes up and nuzzles my hands or face.
My first worry is that there are about 50 billion other highly-qualified folks looking for work right now. I know there are other things to worry about, but that's as far as I've been able to think. Actually, my immediate concern is where I can get some pizza. And chocolate. And ice cream. And alcohol. Perhaps this is a good time to take up smoking. Or start a mild addiction to prescription pills. (God, I wish I had a prescription for something stronger than heartburn.) At a different time I'll try to look at all sides of this and see how it might work itself into something of an opportunity. But for now, I think I'll go back to staring into space. Damn, what a day.