Friday, October 23, 2009


A lot of surf baby stuff has happened in the last week or so, and I'm sorry, but I want to get every little detail down here.

I've been wracked with insecurities lately. It's felt lonely and pathetic. I've been isolating myself from friends, being a hermit inside my place, eating marshmallows for breakfast. I've thought about blogging myself out of the hole, but I haven't wanted to post because - who am I kidding? I'm no writer. I've thought of getting off my ass but I haven't wanted to go to yoga or out for a run, because - who am I kidding? I'm no athlete. And I've been feeling really insecure about my surfing - actually, in my mind it's been in quotes: my "surfing" - because I'm terrible at it. I even (I regret this still) skipped going out on Monday despite (rare) perfect conditions because I was feeling so totally insecure and self-conscious about my shitty surfing ability.

But the thing about all of that is that it gets old really fast. It's all frustrating, and definitely worth a pint (at least) of Ben & Jerry's, some tears, and a dramatic call to my sister, but after a while you're just missing good surf days and being a real whiner. So I'm trying to Knock That Shit Off and just move forward.

Now I have a pedicure to attend to, but more stories coming soon.


  1. I get like that too and it's so frustrating. I'm glad you're pushing yourself out of it. Once they start gnawing on our self-esteem it's hard to shoo them away but you just have to.

    I hope your pedicure was great. :-)

  2. leavethefuckinghousealready

    (that's what i do when i get that way)

  3. Cognitive therapy exercises, dammit!

    That, or we could all just stay in the house for not being professional athletes, writers or whatever the hell the judgment du jour may be.

    But oh, YEAH. I feel ya. Somedays, ya gotta just Do The Next Right Thing no matter how you feel.

  4. I'm glad to hear that you see it as getting old fast, and wanting to get on with it all. Who cares if you're no athlete and no star surfer? You do them because you enjoy them, and as a benefit they're good for you. Hang in there, get outta the house, and know that some of us out here really admire you.

  5. Those days/weeks are good teachers. It just means joy is waiting for you - the balance of the universe.