I Miss the Waves

The last week or so has been filled with a good amount of stress over family things, holiday things, dating things, and job things. (I'm actually dating people, not things.) I haven't been sleeping much and I'm pretty nastified when I don't get enough sleep. It's been tough and all I've wanted to do is get in the water. I've watched my two favorite surf documentaries over and over and over, but it doesn't seem to calm me down. It actually hypes me up and makes me want to get wet even more.

Mother Nature has other ideas, so I haven't been able to do any surfing lately. (My god, has it only been nine days?) It's pretty frustrating having the chance to do something I've grown to really love depend on conditions out of my control. And yes, it's part of the magic of the sport. But right now it's not feeling magical. It's feeling frustrating.

I made myself do two yoga sessions and two runs last week (after a pathetically long absence), and I'm glad I did them, but I don't love yoga or running right now. I think I was successful at doing those things regularly last summer because I saw them as an extension of surfing. And they are for me - I need yoga and running to help get me into shape so I can surf better. But I'm out of my groove and now I see them as only irritating reminders of how out of shape I am. I used to mediate on surfing during every run and every yoga session. It made it so peaceful and meaningful. But yoga really sucked last week. It used to calm me in a very deep way, but last week I just sat in class getting worked up. Screw this, I just want to go in the water.

I think I've decided I need to focus on finding a surf school. I want to progress faster than I am progressing right now. Part of that is me being in better shape. That's mine to handle, and it's likely to be an ongoing effort. The other part is just being in conditions that allow me to practice. A week or two in a surf school in a state or country that has consistent surf could really help me grow. I feel so grateful to be learning to surf in Oregon - no reef issues, minimal attitudes, no crowded line ups. But I just want to #$%&! surf. So I am going to start a piggy bank and see what I can find in terms of schools for itty bitty baby beginners like me. It's scary to consider. But exciting, too. And it gives me a goal to focus on. Maybe I can meditate on attending a surf school during running or yoga. And maybe the weather will cooperate and I'll be able to find some freakin waves soon!