Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Twice Today

Dear XXXXXXXX Bank, 

Thank you for contacting me today regarding the previously referenced position. I appreciate the opportunity to share my background and experience with you. I understand that you have found a candidate whose qualifications more closely match the requirements of the position and that you will not be including me further in the recruiting process.

I find it somewhat surprising that I wasn't chosen for the position given the fact that I did this position for your Bank ten years ago. However, I understand that things change, and I guess they have with me as well, as I wouldn't work for your shitty, federally bailed-out asses again if you paid me in raw cookie dough. 

While I do have fond memories of working seven days a week for months on end and getting paid peanuts, accepting a position at this time wouldn't allow me to maintain my current schedule of near-constant introspection, late night TV, and Twitter trolling. 

Thank you for your kind consideration. Please suck it.



  1. Dear Candidate L

    I personally cannot find enough time in the day to fulfill my quota of introspection, and that's BEFORE I start on the TV - Land Sakes Alive, Big Brother has started up again and the commitment is a crushing weight on my week.

    I think I need to hire someone to take on these roles for me while I attend to the onerous duty of staring out of the window blankly.

    Remuneration will be in the aforementioned cookie dough, though the health package is actually nothing more than a band-aid and for dental I can only point you towards the floss thingies in the cabinet. They are, however, redundantly minty.

    If you can manage the commute to Yorkshire, the position is yours :D

  2. After having spent (hopefully) a little less than half my allotted years of life working at a soul-sucking job, I cannot help but admire your spunk in telling it like it is to the corporate-bastard hierarchy. But to refuse payment in raw cookie dough ... don't burn your bridges, honey.


    I admire your spunk too!

    I am sorry about the rejection part of it, but what a great way to say "kiss mine, I didn't want your stupid job anyway." (Figuratively speaking of course, because you didn't really send this ~ did you? And you didn't REALLY want that kind of job again ~ did you?)

  4. God, if we were gay and California would let us, I'd so marry you.

  5. Aww... I love a person with a sense of humour even at unfortunate situation like this... *hugs* hang in there!!!! (like you always tell me :D)