I mean, what am I supposed to say? I haven't known how I would explain it all to you, but then I remembered that I really only have to explain it to me. I worked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and it was pretty depressing. The j-o-b is ok. It's fine. Mixing it with school is impossible and I can't even really think about it long-term. I am hemorrhaging homework right now. Wednesdays are terrible, tragic, no good, very bad. Work starts at 8:30 AM, school ends at 10:00 PM. The break in between the two is not quite long enough to make it from one to the other.
It all feels like an assault on my body and my brain. I just ache from sitting - everything hurts. Human bodies weren't made to sit for 9 or 14 hours a day. Everything hurts. I don't know how to tell you, but this is the hardest part for me. Jules would understand.
I had today off and I had a massage and then I went to yoga. Yoga with Sarah™. There's nothing like it, and my new schedule (let's just call all of this a new schedule, ok?) precludes me from practicing with Sarah. I did amazing today, if I do say so, and cried at the end during Savasana. But Savasana begs for tears. It's almost offended if you don't cry a little.
I'll make it, I know I will. Conditions willing, I'll probably surf next weekend or soon after, and I'll settle for a B on my first paper, and I'll keep making it to work with a minute to spare. My sister totally understands, and that means everything. This weekend is time with my brother, and we have multiple runs on the agenda. That will feel awesome, I know. He's the perfect running partner. I think it really just takes a lot of time to transition. I feel like I'm either the midwife right now, helping birth this behemoth, or I'm the thing being born. Maybe I'm both.
There are good parts, too. It's not that bad, it just feels hard. Maybe now I'll decide that we can just say it: It's all working out. At every moment right now I'm becoming more of who I want to be. It's painful, but it's worth it. Gosh, that girl was so smart.
Now, come over here and give me a big hug and a foot rub. I need 'em.