I started seeing a guy in November and things immediately looked good. He seemed pretty amazing - really good guy, a teacher, tall - and we hit it off like I hadn't experienced probably ever. (I mentioned him and his dreamy height here.) We went on several dates and he was very direct about liking me and very open about feeling great about our connection.
Isn't it refreshing when you meet someone who puts it out there and doesn't play games? Can you tell this is headed for a big old crash and burn?
We were out for dinner one Saturday night and I'd gotten all cute - tremendous effort; I don't have you tell you that - and I kept thinking, "Is this really happening? Somebody, pinch me." About an hour into the date, he asked me out for the following weekend, and all I could think was: I guess he's having as good a time as I am. In the past, he'd waited until the end of the date or even the following few days to ask me out again, but there he was, before our food was even served, thinking about seeing me again. True love? Definitely.
So we made plans right then and there for the following Friday, and when we ended the date that night, he kissed me a few times and asked me to give him a call during the week -- something we hadn't yet done. (We'd only communicated via text and e-mail in between dates to that point. Ah, technology. Brining people together. Or something.) The next morning I e-mailed him before heading out for a glorious day of December surf asking if he liked Brandi Carlile, knowing that anyone in their right mind does, and excited for what would obviously be an amazing New Year's Eve date because I had two tickets to her very hot and very sold-out NYE show at the Aladdin, and Mr. Totally Amazing and I were going to go and have an incredible, fun, memorable, intoxicating, tall-people kind of time.
So I sent the quick e-mail that morning and went off to walk on water all day at the coast, and later that night was having a great dinner with a girlfriend when I got his reply. Ah, iPhone. My sleek, beautiful iPhone. Why must your portability bring me such despair during dinner?
Yes, it was just the night before that we had that amazing date and he had asked me out again before the night had even ended. No, he didn't answer my question about Brandi Carlile in his brief e-mail that fateful Sunday. He merely e-mailed to say that he was sorry, but that he'd decided to pursue another relationship that had been "building".
Blink. Blink, blink. Not interested? In me? I know. I was shocked, too. It's been a while since I saw actual potential (and not just practice saying "No thank you") in a relationship, so this one was hard. But not quite as hard as a blog entry this long implies, so let me get to the point.
I decided there was NO WAY IN HELL I could go to my Brandi Carlile concert now. Not alone, not on New Year's Eve, not possible. I go to the movies alone, I go to Italy alone, but I don't go out on New Year's Eve alone. No way. Why don't you just stick a flashing neon sign on my back that says, "LOSER" and get it over with? I'd wanted to see Brandi really badly for a while, and I have a sense she's not going to be on the small-shitty-theater-circuit for much longer, and YES, I'd purchased an entire new outfit including great boots that I knew would wow Mr. Not Good Enough For Me (his name had very recently changed), but I couldn't go to the show alone. Just. Not. Possible.
So, of course, I went. Mon Dieu, it took a lot of self-talk. And about four hours of getting gorgeous time that evening. And a lot of texts with Sizzle and my sister. Even then, I almost backed out about 100 times between the time I departed my house and the time I walked into the theater. Very emotional, to be honest. Hard to do. But in the end, it comes down to what a lot comes down to: Am I *really* going to care what other people think? Because if I am, the implications are big. I mean, really. Today it's the NYE thing. Tomorrow? Where does it stop?
The show was amaaaaazing. One of the best I've been to, and that's saying something. She's incredible and I had a really great time. She did most of my faves, including this one, of course. I had a fantastic evening, rocked the boots, and rang in the new year, if nothing else, affirming my commitment to myself.
Oh. And Mr. Totally Missed Out? I replied to his e-mail that night right away and told him that I understood and appreciated him letting me know.