Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Story

I started seeing a guy in November and things immediately looked good. He seemed pretty amazing - really good guy, a teacher, tall - and we hit it off like I hadn't experienced probably ever. (I mentioned him and his dreamy height here.) We went on several dates and he was very direct about liking me and very open about feeling great about our connection.

Isn't it refreshing when you meet someone who puts it out there and doesn't play games? Can you tell this is headed for a big old crash and burn?

We were out for dinner one Saturday night and I'd gotten all cute - tremendous effort; I don't have you tell you that - and I kept thinking, "Is this really happening? Somebody, pinch me." About an hour into the date, he asked me out for the following weekend, and all I could think was: I guess he's having as good a time as I am. In the past, he'd waited until the end of the date or even the following few days to ask me out again, but there he was, before our food was even served, thinking about seeing me again. True love? Definitely.

So we made plans right then and there for the following Friday, and when we ended the date that night, he kissed me a few times and asked me to give him a call during the week -- something we hadn't yet done. (We'd only communicated via text and e-mail in between dates to that point. Ah, technology. Brining people together. Or something.) The next morning I e-mailed him before heading out for a glorious day of December surf asking if he liked Brandi Carlile, knowing that anyone in their right mind does, and excited for what would obviously be an amazing New Year's Eve date because I had two tickets to her very hot and very sold-out NYE show at the Aladdin, and Mr. Totally Amazing and I were going to go and have an incredible, fun, memorable, intoxicating, tall-people kind of time.

So I sent the quick e-mail that morning and went off to walk on water all day at the coast, and later that night was having a great dinner with a girlfriend when I got his reply. Ah, iPhone. My sleek, beautiful iPhone. Why must your portability bring me such despair during dinner?

Yes, it was just the night before that we had that amazing date and he had asked me out again before the night had even ended. No, he didn't answer my question about Brandi Carlile in his brief e-mail that fateful Sunday. He merely e-mailed to say that he was sorry, but that he'd decided to pursue another relationship that had been "building".

Blink. Blink, blink. Not interested? In me? I know. I was shocked, too. It's been a while since I saw actual potential (and not just practice saying "No thank you") in a relationship, so this one was hard. But not quite as hard as a blog entry this long implies, so let me get to the point.

I decided there was NO WAY IN HELL I could go to my Brandi Carlile concert now. Not alone, not on New Year's Eve, not possible. I go to the movies alone, I go to Italy alone, but I don't go out on New Year's Eve alone. No way. Why don't you just stick a flashing neon sign on my back that says, "LOSER" and get it over with? I'd wanted to see Brandi really badly for a while, and I have a sense she's not going to be on the small-shitty-theater-circuit for much longer, and YES, I'd purchased an entire new outfit including great boots that I knew would wow Mr. Not Good Enough For Me (his name had very recently changed), but I couldn't go to the show alone. Just. Not. Possible.

So, of course, I went. Mon Dieu, it took a lot of self-talk. And about four hours of getting gorgeous time that evening. And a lot of texts with Sizzle and my sister. Even then, I almost backed out about 100 times between the time I departed my house and the time I walked into the theater. Very emotional, to be honest. Hard to do. But in the end, it comes down to what a lot comes down to: Am I *really* going to care what other people think? Because if I am, the implications are big. I mean, really. Today it's the NYE thing. Tomorrow? Where does it stop?

The show was amaaaaazing. One of the best I've been to, and that's saying something. She's incredible and I had a really great time. She did most of my faves, including this one, of course. I had a fantastic evening, rocked the boots, and rang in the new year, if nothing else, affirming my commitment to myself.

Oh. And Mr. Totally Missed Out? I replied to his e-mail that night right away and told him that I understood and appreciated him letting me know.

Poor bastard.


  1. All men are pigs. You're better than him and much better off! Here, have some Ben and Jerry's.

  2. It might not be a consolation but if he couldn't see how amazing you are, then he was not worthy of you. Period. There is a guy out there who will is tall and charming and kind-hearted and makes you laugh and who gets you. I believe it.

    I love Brandi's music, especially "The Story" live version. And I love you.

  3. Glenn, I'm saving your comment for when I need it again. :)

  4. I think you walk on water, in your rockin boots, every day, not just NYE.

  5. Such a bummer. So proud of you for going to see the concert anyway; Brandi Carlisle can cure what ails you, for sure. I think you are brave and I think your life is going to move forward in a way that makes you beyond incredibly happy. I'm rooting for you.

  6. I am SO GLAD you went. Putting any part of life on hold for some mythical Right Circumstance is always a bad idea.
    And I fully believe that you will find your person. That dude is a moron, and fleas will infest his nether regions.

  7. My eyes popped out of my head at the point where his text said that another relationship had been "building".

    In-fucking-credible. Or, as you put it, "blink blink blink" (there really are no words, are there?)

    I've had similar moments, actually. After the shock has left my body, I rather healthily tend to feel sorry for the poor challenged creature whose ability to discern quality I've evidently overestimated. As you say at the top of your blog: everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle. It's at times like this that you realise that the other person is fighting without ammo when it comes to brains and sensitivity. Anyone who can give you emotional whiplash like that is best kept away, so he's done you a service by exposing himself as a loser (yes, he's definitely the loser).

    And as for going to events alone, that's not a loser thing at all. It's often for the best, as your guest might not share your taste and might spoil it for you. I'm glad you dressed up for it, for yourself (because you're worth it). I'd have been majorly pissed if Mr Twotimer had managed to spoil something for you even after you'd stopped seeing him. Good for you!

  8. Wow, you really can't take anyone at their words anymore, can you? Chalk this one up on the side of "humans are inherently bad".

  9. Dude. Guys suck ass. Even Vahid sometimes. He wasn't the one would admit we were dating, that was me (mainly on my blog and he got mad before realizing that this was in fact dating..oh boys are so slow). I don't remember where I was going with that except that boys suck and are sometimes mentally deficient in realizing awesome things.

    Also if you ever need me to fill in the seat next to you I am right down the street! :) (Also I've been meaning to ask about school but then I got all busy with life and sad and then mad about school so I forgot.)

  10. I'd chime in and say "Yeah! Guys suck!"... except I've been on the receiving end of this kind of flakey, schizo behavior as well. So, alas, women suck too. There are people out there of all kinds who don't know what they want in life, and don't mind putting other people through the ringer while they figure it out. It's sad and unfortunate, but we just can't let them win.... so good for you going to that concert!

  11. "He merely e-mailed to say that he was sorry, but that he'd decided to pursue another relationship that had been "building"."

    Translation: I got her in the sack first, you lose.

    What a douchey douche.

    I have a few friends who will date several guys at one time, just to see which one will "pan out." I just don't get it. At all.

    Your consolation prize is, of course, nobody wants to be dating a douche-canoe.

  12. fuck. people really suck, don't they?

    you don't though, you're awesome.

  13. Boys are dumb. But cheers to you for mustering up the courage to go by yourself!

  14. I went to my first concert by myself this summer. Took an entire day of talking myself into it, but once there I was so happy I went. The best part about going by yourself, you can move to where you want to go and don't have to worry about losing someone in the crowd.

  15. I had a guy do the same thing to me--on Valentine's day no less. He'd been seeing a gal and waiting for her to give him the yes or no in making it a long-term, committed thing. Thanks, douche! Happy V-Day to you as well! God, dating.

    In far more impressive news--DUDE. I am always so damned impressed how you just show up for yourself. No laying around, wallowing, letting the stench of burning martyr choke the neighbors. No, no, no. New boots, big heart, fierce self-love. You are a fucking rockstar.

  16. Hm. I had the same thing happen. Waited until the end of another really great date to say (oh, and also tall and glorious) - I've gotten serious with another woman I've been dating so I can't see you anymore....

    So wait a year or so and they may break up and he'll be back. In my case, we ran into each other at a wedding and he was all over reviving things. I just couldn't do it though. Still get Xmas cards from him and who he did marry! : )

  17. He's a coward, plain and simple.