I'm 41 now, and I realized the other day that I've been blogging (or, like lately, kind of blogging) for almost eight years. That's some freaky shit for an oldster like me who didn't even have a PC in college. (One girl in our entire dorm did - and there was one dorm at my tiny school.) I've had no desire to blog for a while; I feel aware of my need for privacy and my time is best used elsewhere. But two things keep me coming back: I love having this specific type of record of the years, and the original group of people I connected with through this little blog (actually, the original one that I naively called a version of my last name - remember? :) is really important to me, and it feels important to continue to connect with them - with you - in this way. So I think I just keep doing what I'm doing.
I've had a really full several months with lots of travel and activities, and I want to post a bit about each event. For now, I think I'll do a few updates and call it good, and then I'm going to plan on being back soon to do more.
- I blew out both knees at the Biggest L0ser Resort (going above and beyond -- not by doing their exercise routines, btw) and have been in physical therapy weekly since returning. It's painful. It's physically painful, it's mentally painful to do tiny little exercises that probably look easy over and over again, and it's emotionally painful to want to grab my shoes and go for a 3-4 mile run to blow off steam and not be able to. Just this week I reached a point in PT where I've been able to do some slow running - I've done about 2 miles four times this week and it's been difficult but really great.
- About two weeks ago I received notice that I'm going to be laid off between May and July. Can you BELIEVE that? I just came out of shock a couple days ago. I've been concentrating on getting all of my chickens (employees) taken care of and off to other departments. Now it's time to get a plan. There are supposed to be some positions coming open soon at my same office, so the plan so far has been to wait for those. It's not a great plan, I know. I'll get there. I feel like this one is going to work out.
- My schedule at work (for as long as it lasts) went from evenings/nights to 8:00 - 5:00 this week. I love it. I've loved nights, and that works with my natural rhythms (I don't know what that means, but you know what I mean) much better, but it just feels right to be working a normal schedule. Much easier to exercise when it's light out, too.
- Around the time I lost my relationship with my surf coach last year, a really tough loss I still at times feel deeply, I had several other relationships shift. I've been thinking about this on and off and I feel like I shouldn't mention it, but screw that. I haven't been in a full-time (local) relationship for a really long time, so I get that it's different blah blah blah. But as my friends have found partners, gotten married, and had kids, I've been disappointed at times and hurt at times with how completely they disappear from my life. I know there are seasons to everything, but I'm talking about extreme dropping out of the picture. I don't know. I guess I have enough friends who make these kinds of transitions well that I struggle with why more people can't. My relationships with my two siblings have shifted in the past year as well, and I feel grateful to have a core of people both here in Portland and outside of the area that love me well. Because, frankly, if I was relying solely on the rest of them, I'd be fucked.
- I've been sewing a bit again lately. It's really enjoyable.
- I've been finally feeling like it might be time to go back to Japan for a visit. I've been home for almost six years. But I've also been hoping I'd grow brave enough for an India trip, and this might be the year. I'm not sure. If I lose my job, Clackamas is looking really good. (Clackamas is a Portland suburb about 20 minutes away.)
- This little guy's still kicking around. So that's good.