Saturday, April 28, 2012


One of my favorite quotes is something about there being some days with questions and some days with answers. I feel like I've been living among the days with questions and few, if any, answers for a couple of years now. I'm kind of waiting for my luck to change, but I know that waiting for anything in this life is a waste of precious time.

I'm 41 now, and I realized the other day that I've been blogging (or, like lately, kind of blogging) for almost eight years. That's some freaky shit for an oldster like me who didn't even have a PC in college. (One girl in our entire dorm did - and there was one dorm at my tiny school.) I've had no desire to blog for a while; I feel aware of my need for privacy and my time is best used elsewhere. But two things keep me coming back: I love having this specific type of record of the years, and the original group of people I connected with through this little blog (actually, the original one that I naively called a version of my last name - remember? :) is really important to me, and it feels important to continue to connect with them - with you - in this way. So I think I just keep doing what I'm doing.

I've had a really full several months with lots of travel and activities, and I want to post a bit about each event. For now, I think I'll do a few updates and call it good, and then I'm going to plan on being back soon to do more.

  • I blew out both knees at the Biggest L0ser Resort (going above and beyond -- not by doing their exercise routines, btw) and have been in physical therapy weekly since returning. It's painful. It's physically painful, it's mentally painful to do tiny little exercises that probably look easy over and over again, and it's emotionally painful to want to grab my shoes and go for a 3-4 mile run to blow off steam and not be able to. Just this week I reached a point in PT where I've been able to do some slow running - I've done about 2 miles four times this week and it's been difficult but really great.
  • About two weeks ago I received notice that I'm going to be laid off between May and July. Can you BELIEVE that? I just came out of shock a couple days ago. I've been concentrating on getting all of my chickens (employees) taken care of and off to other departments. Now it's time to get a plan. There are supposed to be some positions coming open soon at my same office, so the plan so far has been to wait for those. It's not a great plan, I know. I'll get there. I feel like this one is going to work out. 
  • My schedule at work (for as long as it lasts) went from evenings/nights to 8:00 - 5:00 this week. I love it. I've loved nights, and that works with my natural rhythms (I don't know what that means, but you know what I mean) much better, but it just feels right to be working a normal schedule. Much easier to exercise when it's light out, too. 
  •  Around the time I lost my relationship with my surf coach last year, a really tough loss I still at times feel deeply, I had several other relationships shift. I've been thinking about this on and off and I feel like I shouldn't mention it, but screw that. I haven't been in a full-time (local) relationship for a really long time, so I get that it's different blah blah blah. But as my friends have found partners, gotten married, and had kids, I've been disappointed at times and hurt at times with how completely they disappear from my life. I know there are seasons to everything, but I'm talking about extreme dropping out of the picture. I don't know. I guess I have enough friends who make these kinds of transitions well that I struggle with why more people can't. My relationships with my two siblings have shifted in the past year as well, and I feel grateful to have a core of people both here in Portland and outside of the area that love me well. Because, frankly, if I was relying solely on the rest of them, I'd be fucked.
  •  I've been sewing a bit again lately. It's really enjoyable.
  • I've been finally feeling like it might be time to go back to Japan for a visit. I've been home for almost six years. But I've also been hoping I'd grow brave enough for an India trip, and this might be the year. I'm not sure. If I lose my job, Clackamas is looking really good. (Clackamas is a Portland suburb about 20 minutes away.) 
  •  This little guy's still kicking around. So that's good. 


  1. My friends are getting married and having kids and I am just getting more awesome.
    It's hard to accept at times, but I know that you are right where you are supposed to be, and doing a damn good job of it, I might add.

  2. That you and I remain single proves that the world has terribly bad taste, because we're both super awesome, as I believe you Americans say it.

    You have love coming your way from the UK and there's some to spare for JJ, too.

    India's on my list, also. See you in Delhi, perhaps

    G x

  3. Get used to days without any answers, kiddo. There aren't any. Right answers, I mean. Whatever answers you might come up with will change from day to day. Which, come to think of it and looking on the bright side (which is the same as the dark side, only with track lighting), means you can't ever fail the test.

  4. It's hard to watch people change. This past school year I have gained and lost friends in the blink of an eye it seems. It leaves me hurt, but I realize sometimes I do that too. I forget about the world and live in a place only I can see and I go far too long without talking to anyone.

    I can't believe you blew your knees out! I hope you finish recovery soon and are better than ever so you can run again. Being in pain is the suck. I threw my back out working out last week and it has been the f of my life.

    I wish Vahid's schedule would change sometimes. Then we could actually see people during normal human hours.

    We must lunch time soon or something! It has been entirely too long. Too long.

  5. I think about quitting blogging but I also like having a record of my life and I've been doing it for so long that it would feel downright strange to stop. I'd mostly miss my connections with people.

    PT sounds rough but glad you're getting back to a place where you can run since I know that feeds your soul.

    Love you.

  6. Hiroshima is supposed to be nice.